Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 12/10/2009

Question
Well, there was this girl. The most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She's also smart, funny, social, and popular. In other words; almost everything that i'm not. We used to talk alot during a class, but as of recently we barely speak. I'm not sure if I offended her or something else. She seemed interested in me at first, But i'm not sure what happened. Point is, I want her to acknowledge me again. What should I do?


Answer
Hello Jermaine!

If you barely speak to her it means you're not making the effort. You have as much (frankly, more) responsibility to approach her and get something going as she does. You seem to be waiting for her to do all your work.

What likely happened was that she WAS interested. When you had no where to go with your "approach" (that is, you didn't engage her, build rapport and connection nor close for digits with the promise of doing something later, she got bored and (likely) believes that you don't have any skills here or worse, that you're insecure.

Here's what you do:

First, before you walk up to her in class or anywhere else, figure out what context you are going to use to approach her. This context gives you the REASON for the approach. Not simply more "hi, howya doin?" The context can be anything you have in common at any particular place and time in any particular situation.

It also needs to have a question attached. Why? Simple: you want to get HER to do all the talking! It's not your job to entertain her with witty banter at all. It's your job to get her speaking about what it is so that you can listen to her communication styles.

When you discover the styles (or as we call them, "systems") you can then either mirror or counter them as the particular system requires and build huge rapport and connection with her. This is what leads to attraction and frankly, doesn't take long at all if you know what you're doing.

That's a lot to chew on, so let me give you this: go to my website (http://BeingAMan.com) and click on "self help" on the left side of the page. From there, read my FAQ's about communication skills.

Then, go approach this girl already!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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