Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/5/2009

Question
I'm 18 years old, a freshman in college. My aunt's best friend has a really cute daughter and she's applying to the same college that I'm at, so her mom had her in touch with me and I gave her some advice on the application, essays, interviews, etc... She came up to visit and stayed with me for the weekend- that was the first time I met her in person...we had a great time, she loved the campus, and this college is now her top choice. She applied early decision and got deferred, meaning she won't know until April whether she's in or not. In the short time that I was with her, I felt a really strong attraction to her- both her looks and personality seemed like everything I could want in a girl. So now, I'm back at school and we're 6 hours apart from each other...We've texted a few times since then briefly about stuff related to college, but sometimes we'll just have like a fun conversation after starting by talking about colleges, and she'll use lots of smileys, exclamation points, and extra letters (likee thissss!)......What should I do now about her? I really miss her but I can't exactly make plans to hang out while we're this far apart. Also, I don't want to like annoy her or creep her out if I text her more frequently, so I'm not sure how to go about this.

Answer
Hello Kevin!

Here's the problem you have: you're too far away to make anything happen and all of this going back and forth now is going to hurt your chances in the future. Eventually, she's going to get frustrated and tired of all of this and it'll drop off and start to get weird between you.

Unfortunately, that's the reality of long-distance relationships (LDR's) and long-distance dating (LDD's). You need proximity in order to make something really happen here.

It's ok to keep in occasional, casual contact with her, but don't press it for right now. Take advantage of being away at school to meet a bunch of new girls and have a great time. When she hears about school in April, contact each other again and see where she is. If she's coming to school, you have a great opportunity since you'll be the only person she knows. If she's not, you'll already have some other girls lined up that you're getting to know.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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