Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/4/2009

Question
Dear expert:

I'm sure you're familiar with the belief that a sense of humor is an important tool when attracting women.

But the problem is that I am NOT funny! Most of the time when I try cracking a joke, it ends up totally falling flat. As a result, I like to rely on sweet talk since that is just me being myself since I happen to be a hopeless romantic, and it's fairly obvious that I'm being fake whenever I try to use my sense of humor. It's like they say, you can't TRY to be funny, it has to come naturally.

It's not because of approach anxiety, since I can talk to girls pretty easily without feeling nervous. I can hold conversations and I have plenty of female friends, and when we do laugh it's when they say something funny or something random happens. But I can NEVER seem to attract them! A lot of girls like talking to my friends and they're always laughing and smiling around them, and they have all had girlfriends before. I'm 20 years old and I've never even held hands with a girl, let alone been on a date, had a girlfriend or kissed a girl. My self-esteem is fairly high, I have a 55k a year job as a welder, I exercise every day, and always have something to do on the weekends. Why am I lacking in humor so much??? Is that why I haven't had luck with girls??? What can I do instead???

From,

The Un-comedian

Answer
Hello Danny!

In fact a sense of humor is ranked #2 in the list of most attractive attributes that women cite. The #1 most common thing by the way is confidence, but then, these are really the same thing when you think about it.

You may not be that good at telling a joke, but you're sure good with your timing! In fact, we're going to deal with that specific thing on my show this evening (Wednesday at 5pm Pacific, 8pm Eastern time). You may want to tune in to learn some very specific skills in regards to how to use humor AND cockiness to your advantage.

To do this, go to my website: http://BeingAMan.tv at the designated time and click on the "Rude TV" link off the home page or under "Videos" and "Episodes". It'll load a player where you can watch the show live. If you miss the show, don't worry, it'll be available in archives in a week or two as well.

You're right about being funny. It requires you to have a natural sense about it. The cool thing is that you already do. All of us have a sense of humor. The trick is simply to be able to express it to someone else. Since others have their own senses about humor you also need to learn how to deliver what's funny.

I'm very glad you have no problem approaching girls. That's another important skill to master. The problem you're having is between the approach and the close (getting digits, dates, sex, etc.) You're lacking the skills to create attraction in women. You do this by building rapport and connection. In the parlance, we call this "conversion" - and happens to be another topic we're going to talk about on the show tonight!

Like I said, your timing couldn't be better!

Converting simply involves dealing with the things your target is looking for: understanding them and then delivering them. That creates attraction and a need to connect even further again later. You also need to skills to convert from getting the digits to setting the date, holding the date to setting another, converting the dating to sex, and sex to relationships. These are all forms of conversion with their own skill set.

Tune in and see if it gives you some new tools to work with. Also, be sure to check out my website where we have a ton of additional material on all these concepts: http://BeingAMan.com

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"