Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/13/2009

Question
Here's the situation: I meet a girl at work, she seems to be interested, she blushes, giggles, looks nervous, we start saying hi to one another in passing, no conversation. So I ask her: when are you going to take me out? tonight or tomorrow? She says tonight, I get her number. I send her text messages, she don't respond, I get mad and confront her about it. She claims that I don't send her messages and when I prove it, she claims that she didn't get my messages. She wonders what the big deal is, then pulls out the friends card. I called her on that b.s. I let her know it don't work like that, and point her in the right direction. She tells me that she has a boyfriend. WHAT? I set her up 3 times, but she kept it a secret until I made my intentions clear. We don't talk, we don't hang out she has a boyfriend but gives me her number anyways. She's acts interested, then she's aloof. What do you make of this? Should I leave this one alone or let her label me as a friend? What's the gameplan?

Answer
Hello Brad!

Jeez Brad!!! OF COURSE she doesn't respond! You texted her! That's about as dumb/bad a move as there is! You did everything else right up to that point just to throw it all in the toilet and now you're back to square zero.

When are you people (meaning all those that read these responses) going to learn that you NEVER, EVER, EVER use texting when you're trying to start up dating someone??? It's ONLY to be used once everything is fully established! The beginning of the dating process is all about posturing and games! If you set her up to play you, she's going to HAVE to do it! In effect, you're your own worst enemy here! She wanted to go out with you and you took it away completely with that dumb, weak, cowardly game of texting her!

Let's be clear about this game: texting = cowardice. It's really that simple. She can claim up and down she didn't get your texts even when she did. What are you going to do, call her a liar?

When things first got started you showed real direction and strength by telling her exactly what you wanted, going right for the date, etc. All of these were great, GREAT things! Then, you took all that power away and told her (through your texting actions) "Well, I'm actually a scared little boy that just got lucky with you in the beginning and now I'm going to hide behind my cell phone and make you come and chase me - te he!!"

Brad, you're either going to have to work very, VERY hard now to fix all of this or simply next her. By the way, if you start working that hard, there's a 95% chance that she's going to pull away even further because she'll be wondering why any guy worth his salt wouldn't have to work so hard!

Welcome to I-just-kicked-my-own-ass-ville.

Put the texting away when you're meeting women! That's for your buddies and family - NOT for potential girlfriends.

NEXT!!!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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