Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/21/2009

Question
Dear Dr. Neder,
I can't help but feel attracted to this guy 2 classes above me. The problem is that he spends most of his time at the hospital doing clerkships while I have to take lectures at college. I barely see him and he doesn't even know my name. How do I make such a lasting impact on him that I can get to know him better?


Answer
Hello Elizabeth!

First, you find a context-based reason to approach him. Then, you break the ice and connect; giving him your phone number.

I sense you're looking for the "killer approach" - something many guys try to do, and fail. The reality is that, unless you rush into a burning building and save someone's baby or find a cure to cancer, you're not going to make such an impression. It's just like some clueless guys that look for THE pick-up line. There isn't one.

Instead, determine what context you can use to approach him. What do you have in common? Well, you're both in school together and likely even have similar classes, while not at the same time.

You both go to the same school and even live in the same city. I'll bet there's a ton of other context you can use as well if you think about it. All you need to do is find just one of these points of context and use it to walk up and say "hi".

For instance, let's say you have the same teacher for a course. You can walk up to him and say, "Hey there. I'm Elizabeth. Aren't you in Mr. Johnston's class?" There's your approach! Now, just add in one more element: say, "Did you get that assignment he gave us?"

This is how context works. It's about finding anything you have in common at the moment and using it as an opener. See how easy that is? More important: it's proven effective!

Then you simply need a "close" a reason to give him your digits. Why not suggest that you and he get together to study some time? Then, write down you number and hand it to him.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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