Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/28/2009

Question
Alright, here is the deal.  I am 32yrs old.  The last relationship I had was years ago, and I had my heart shredded.  I am gun shy now, but for about a yr now, I have been in love (not literaly) with a woman at the local grocery store. Durin this long period, we ALWAYS , always made eye contact, more than just a second, everytime I saw her.  Then last week, I said to my self, I gotta be a man, and handle my bussiness.  I walked up to her, and told her, I thought she was stunningly beautiful..which she is, she blushed and said thank you, but with it being a grocery store there is not a lot of "quiet" time, so after I said that I left...maybe I was kind of mysterious.  So then a friend of mine who works there, and knows how I feel about her, told me that she said to her, "if I did'nt have a boyfriend" Dammnit, is that just a easy blowoff? What should I do now, just drop the whole thing? Or would that be like outta sight outta mind.  PLEASE help, I would really, REALLY like to get to know her better, but I do not know what my next step is.  Thanks for you time, and possible help

Answer
Hello Shane!

I wish you hadn't gone in to tell her you were interested in her. Do you really think she didn't know that? Of course she did. The problem is that you dumped all of this in her lap and hoped that she'd then do all your work for you. She knows it's not her job - it's yours!

Boyfriends are never a problem. Many guys shy away from that, but my students know better: the reality is that women are almost always willing to "date up". However, by not going directly for what you wanted, you've told her in very clear language you're not "up".

If this were me, I'd first not have waited a year. I'd have approached her the very moment I realized I was interested. That's because it doesn't matter whether she likes me or not. I can create attraction - and so can you!

Then, instead of telling her I was interested in her, I'd have talked to her for just a few moments (especially considering that she was working) and then have said, "It was fun getting to know you a little and we need to do this again. Here, write down your number and I'll call you some time." This is a very bold, direct move, but it's also the one that constantly continues to work for every guy that uses it. Why? Simple: it speaks directly to women's internal wiring.

If she'd have told me she had a boyfriend, I'd have then said, "So what? Is this the last guy you're ever going to like? Is he absolutely everything you could ever want? Are you going to marry this guy? I don't see an engagement ring on your finger and even if I did, it wouldn't matter. You've never met anyone like me and you need to find out who I am - just like I need to find out who you are too. Now, write down your number and let's see if my suspicions are correct about you."

Again, more masculine, bold, direct power. Do you see how different this is than the approach you've taken? Your's is just the opposite! I used this very same technique last night at a bar I was at and not only got a girl's digits but had an impromptu date with her! In fact, I had to finally escort her out so I could get back to my fiends after an hour and a half. Then, later on that same night, I kissed another girl I met - right in front of her boyfriend and have plans to see her again!

I'm not telling you these things to impress you, I'm trying to IMPRESS UPON YOU how important these concepts are. You can't go about meeting women with hopeful wishing or by having your friends approach then, etc. You're going to have to take matters in your own hands.

Here's what I suggest you do now:

First, go out tonight and meet 3 new women you like. You don't have to marry these girls, but just meet them and at least get numbers - this is important. When you've done this, then go back to the store and talk to this girl again. Use the same things I've already told you. In fact, bring up the boyfriend since you already know about him. Don't shy away from it.

Then, tell her that she needs to get to know you and get your 4th phone number.

When you have 4 different phone number's you're working from girls that are hoping to get to know you better, don't you think things will be very different than they are now? Of course they will! That's the point! It gives you a completely different level of power and it's that very power that will take you where you want to go.

You've done the exact opposite with this girl and now you've got to snap all of that back.

Be bold, Shane. The mighty forces will come to your aid - trust me!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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