Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/22/2009

Question
Hey.
I was recently at a party and it was there i suddenly realised, I have no idea
on how to attract women! Could you give me a few pointers on how to attract
women and basically 'pull'.

Thanks :]

Answer
Hello Dom!

This is another great question! I've had some really terrific questions this morning!

Let's get past the first error here: you don't "attract women". That belief just causes you to shoot yourself in the foot by REPELLING them instead.

Here's what you're really asking: "How do I get women to approach me and do all my work for me so that I don't have to take any risks or at least so that I can do as little work as possible and still get everything I want?"

Ok, let me tell you, actually this *IS* possible to do! I've written an e-book about doing this very thing. Unfortunately, it's far too much content to try to reproduce right here just for you. If you're interested in learning all the skills you need to make this happen, you can go to my website (http://BeingAMan.com) and look at "How to Get Women to Approach You".

On the short-side however, you need to realize that humans are complicated emotional creatures. Thus, our mating rituals are equally complicated and emotional. You need to learn what these rituals are and how to play them. The better you get at them the easier it is to be successful with women at a party, at a community event, at a bar or club or even on the internet. The same basic rules apply no matter where you are (although, they change in important ways based on the venue too!)

First, realize that it's YOUR JOB to approach women you're interested in - not theirs to approach you. Now, one of the secrets you need to understand is that women are highly-perceptive creatures; often much more so than you or me (as guys). Thus, they will pick up on all sorts of subtlety. For instance, if a woman knows you could (and would) approach her without problem, she is MUCH more likely to approach you first! Yes, it's true. In fact, I have women not only approach me all the time, but actually close me by shoving their digits into my hands or setting up dates, etc.

The biggest difference however is that women know I could do this myself anyway if I wanted to. In fact, this happened twice just this last weekend. Further, it happens all the time, but I digress...

The first (and most important rule) about the "pull" is that you have to learn the "push" first and become a master at it. There's no shortcut here. You're not going to get women do to all your work for you - even if they approach you first! You still have a bunch of responsibility for moving things forward. If you drop the ball, you'll get nothing out of them if they approach you anyway!

Let's talk a second about what "attraction" is to women. When you understand this point, you'll be on your way to learning how to generate it.

For the most part, women aren't "attracted" to you when they first see you. A few are motivated by your looks, but in fact, that is mostly a male characteristic - not a female one. We (guys) are motivated initially by looks, women are not. Thus, how you look has little to do with your success with women; however trying to rely on it has a lot to do with your failure! Too many guys think women are just like they are and that this is the key to getting women. It's not.

Instead, women build attraction for you through first building rapport and connection with you. Rapport and connection leads to building of "chemistry". Chemistry comes if 5 flavors: spiritual, physical, emotional, intellectual and sexual. The more of these you can generate with a woman the greater the chemistry she feels. This chemistry is what "attraction" really is!

In order to build chemistry you have to be able to determine her communication systems and either match them or counter them depending on the particular system you're focusing on. Doing this allows you to create chemistry very quickly! I can't tell you how often I hear the words, "You know, it's like I've know you all my life" out of women. That's because I quickly determine her communication styles and manage my own to fit hers. This creates huge rapport and connection very quickly.

Dom, there are some of the basics you need. Now, I know that seems like a big chunk of stuff to learn, but in fact, it's actually pretty simple. If you want all of it contained in a single place, check out "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" from my website. They are the defacto-answers to your question of how to "pull" women.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
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