Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/2/2009

Question
Hello, I am having extremely difficult time with talking to girls my age. I am 18 now, but I have always been really shy. In my past relationships I do believe that I have ruined my relationships because of lack of communicate. I just want to know how I can talk girls my own age. I heard that all to do is to ask questions about themselves and what they like and dislike. The thing is though, I don't know how to continue the conversation. Can you please give me some advice?

Answer
Hello Garret!

First of all, asking questions of a girl is a good way to create closeness between you, but you have to be smart about it. For instance, if you ask her if she likes chocolate, she's going to either say "yes" or "no". That didn't get you very far and you then have to ask her something else. It becomes like an interview.

Instead, if you learn to ask "open-ended questions", you can actually have a conversation with her, that WILL lead somewhere.

An open-ended question is one that requires more than a one or two word answer. For instance, let's say you asked her, "What do you like most about living here?" she'd be able to spend some time answering it for you. You can even answer your own question to her as well by telling her what you like.

As she answers it, really listen to what she says so you can use it for even more open-ended questions. For instance, let's say that she likes living there because she really likes the school she goes to. You can later ask, "so what classes do you enjoy the most?" and "how did you find your interest in math?" or whatever.

Not only are you getting to know the girl really well, you're creating a connection between her by learning all sorts of new things about her.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
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