Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/10/2009

Question
QUESTION: hey i am 17 years old and there is this girl i like but i cant talk to her because i don't know what to say to her i only see her at lunch she has been looking at me  so i believe she has noticed me but if you can help with a starting phrase or something to start talking to her

ANSWER: Hello Alex!

Although there are many different ways to approach someone the very best (and easiest too) is to use "context".

Context is simple: what do you and she have in common at this very place, at this very time in this very situation? If you can answer that simple question you now have both the reason to approach her and the way to break the ice.

For instance, you both go to the same school. Maybe you know of a class she has or a teacher. She probably lives in the neighborhood. There is likely some school event that you both have in common, etc.

All you need to do is to find just one of these - and it doesn't have to be some big deal either. Use that context to approach her.

Let's say that you know she's in a particular class. You can just walk up to her and say, "Hey there. I'm Alex. What's your name?" When she gives it to you just say, "Don't you have Geography with Mr. Wilson? [don't wait for an answer] What do you like about the class? I have to take it and I'm wondering what I'm in for."

What you're doing here isn't trying to make her fall in love with you from the first line - that's what dumb guys do by using pick-up lines. Instead, you're just starting a simple conversation by asking her an open-ended question (one that takes more than a single-word answer.) It's that simple!

Now, I can't tell you what your opener should be, you'll have to do just a little work and figure that out, but once you do, get over there and meet her already!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: well we both get lunch at the same place could this work should i pass by and ask her what the food special is ?

Answer
Hello again Alex!

No, there's not enough context.

Alex, I get this question about 4-5 times a week, "What should I say???"

It's entirely the wrong question to be asking me. I can't tell you what to say. You need to figure that out and you're being lazy about it! It's not that you have to come up with the "killer line" or anything. Building rapport and connection is what you do AFTER you break the ice. Too many guys that don't know any better believe you have to make her fall in love with you from the very first word.

Think of something that you and she have in common at that place, at that time. There IS something - probably a lot of things - but it shouldn't be something that you can ask of anyone - it has to be at least somewhat personal between you two. If you ask her something this generic, she instantly starts thinking, "Why ask me?" and is even likely to give you that answer!

On the other hand, if you come up with something she does have a personal connection with, it's easy and natural.

This takes just a little bit of creativity, and you'll find that if you practice it, it'll get much, much easier quickly.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"