Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 4/21/2009

Question
Hey Doc,
Ok, in general I wouldn't say I am bad with women. I am male, 20 years old, 6'2, athletic (if a bit skinny), and people tell me I am ok to look at. When I am on a date I usually don't have trouble keeping conversation going or making her laugh. My biggest problem is getting to that first date. I have trouble coming up with a reason to go and talk to a woman I don't know, to initiate conversation and ask her out without looking like a creep... and on top of that, I find myself(8 times out of 10) in a position where a girl I find attractive is with a few friends. So on top of trying to figure out a way to talk to her and charm her in that first five minutes, but also how to circumvent her friends.
Also, I should mention I am not interested in casual sex or "getting my bang on". I am looking for a nice, regular girl. Maybe dating some people until I find someone who makes me feel right, y'know?
I digress, if there is any tips, openers, or any thing that could help my initial game, that would be great.

Answer
Hello Tris!

You're making a classic male mistake here. In fact, I've already answered this exact same question for 4 other guys so far this morning.

You actually believe that if you had THE opener, THE line that would make her fall in love with you from the very start, that you'd have it made.

Sure you would - if there were such a thing. Further, you wouldn't need me to help you if there were.

You DO NOT make a woman fall in love with you from the opening line! It doesn't work that like anywhere but in the movies. You BUILD rapport and connection over time (and it doesn't have to take a lot of it - sometimes just 2-3 minutes) and then you close for what you want - digits, an impromptu date or sex.

You see, the real problem here is that learning these skills takes work. Not a lot of it, but work still. You're a lazy jackass and only want the one line that will make all the other work not important.

Here's the reality (are you really ready for this?) You need to do this work in order to have these skills. Otherwise, you'll always be forced to just accept whatever life drops in your lap - which is almost nothing. Sure, you might get lucky on occasion, but that's all it is and it won't be consistent or regular.

What's really tragic about this question is that the answers are so damn easy to get! There really isn't much work, but that's just how lazy some guys are! They want "the line" to solve all their problems.

Tris, there is no line. If there were, there would be no reason for me to write entire books on this subject.

In fact, that's where you need to start. Go to my website and take a look at "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" and start deciding if you're going to start learning these skills to go collect up what you want or if you're going to sit around and wait for life to just come drop something in your lap.

That is the REAL answer to your question.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
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