Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/3/2009

Question
QUESTION: ok well i guess i should say first that ive never gone to this extent to find out if a girl likes me or not...so i dont really know how to start so i guess ill start from the beginning.I'm 17 almost 18 and cindy is 16 almost 17...(btw ive always kinda been a shyish type guy deep down but i never really show it)Cindy had been dating my friend josh for maybe about a week or two so nothing serious. and i had met her and instantly became friends i was the only one of his friends she really hit it off with, we occasionally talked on the phone and txt but i had no intentions of doing anything with her because i had my own gf. a couple days after she broke up with josh i broke up with my gf because i found out she was cheating...cindy had offered to help me through it and she quickly got my mind over her, because of this we got even closer. as time went on we talked more and more. for a while we were talking everynight for hours having fun conversations about nothing at all and listening to eachother(mainly me calling her) but i still had no intention of taking things further. we talked for many more month and exchangedf thousands of txt unfortunately we barely see eachother because of our clashing schedules. but when we do see eachother she seems kinda shy and doesnt talk to me much( sadly the only time we can see eachother is during a friends party's, so its not really a talking environment)but we still would talk alot on the phone, for a while we stopped talking and she would just call me up again and we'd start like we never stopped (now she would call me more) eventually my friends had started asking me why we werent dating? they all knew how much we talked...so it kinda got me to thinking and i had always felt something for her deep down and i knew it but i never really payed attention. so now its been almost a year of us talking and she now started to txt me saying i miss you <3...(and she never says that to anyone shes always to shy) she always told me how the key to her heart is laughter and she says im the only person who ever makes her laugh this much...and how im one of the most important people in her life. another thing she has started doing is comparing me to her ex (josh) and says how they never talked on the phone and he never listened to her like i do...(something i forgot to mention was how we had agreed when we first started talking that the best way to have a good relationship with someone is get to know them first and not just jump in... and i said the next person i date im gonna get to know them first..)and she always ask me questions like how many kids do i want? and just questions about my future and plans and then shell compare it to what her answer is...also something weird that happens almost every time we talk is our phones will cut out after hours like my phone will die or hers will or itll lose connection...and she mentioned that the other day and said its like were not meant to say goodbye...but she said it in a tone that hinted something else...but a couple of days ago i asked her if she wanted to go watch a movie with me and she said shed give me a call off of another phone because her phone broke...but she never called and she called me later that day she was suppose to call me and we were talking and she asked me how my day was and what did i do? I said i was suppose to watch a movie with my friend but didnt ( i meant a different friend because i automaticlly assumed i was going to go with cindy and made backup plans with another friend... but cindy thought i meant her...so her reaction was oh well that sucks anyways moving on...so i acted surprised even tho i knew what she meant but then cleared up what she thought i was implying...but it kinda made me think does she think i was showing interest in her? and shes just turning me down? ive asked her to go to the movies before with me (months ago) but i ended up cancelling...and now that i think about it ive made plans before and ended up cancelling for one reason or another...so now my question is does she like me more than a friend? and do i have any chance at all? if i have any way to continue or to even fix this how would i go about doing this? please help..thank you!

ANSWER: Hello Joel!

Yes, she likes you as more than a friend. Yes, you have a chance.

You need to STOP holding all your dates on the phone and get them out into real life immediately. Eventually all this phoning and texting back and forth gets annoying and frustrating - and guess who she sees as the source of this annoyance and frustration? Answer: you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: well i tried taking your advice and planned to watch another movie she agreed and everything and we were gonna go but a couple of hours before we went i called her to make she we were still on but she said she was kinda of undecided if she was going because one of her bestfriends was going to a party and wanted her to go...so obviously i got pretty annoyed even tho i didnt want to show it on the phone...im sure she could tell because i kept saying things like well its up to you but i thought we had planned this out...in the end she went to the party and when i talked to her when she came back she was talking to me for a while then admitted she might have a thing for a one of her co workers that was at that party...so i dont really know what to do...i think i should just let it go...but i dont want to i want to keep trying...so any advice would be much appreciated im totally lost and dont know what to do! please help

Answer
Hello again Joe!

Why did you give her a chance to cancel on the date by confirming??? You should have confirmed it when you SET the date!

Joe, you don't know how to set dates and you don't know how to deal with women. You're making mistake after mistake with this one.

Don't need advice, you need education. I could give you advice all day long and until you understand the foundation of why these things are true, you're going to continue to make these beginner mistakes.

Start by going to my websites (http://BeingAMan.com and http://BeingAMan.tv) and doing some research. There are a ton of tools there to help you get this education - from articles, FAQ's, discussion group to books, CD's to video and audio resources.

Here's the bottom line: you only get to make so many mistakes with these girls - they won't tolerate it for very long. If you don't express your masculine power up-front, they go off to find someone that can. She obviously thinks this co-worker can - and you can't. That's why she would do something so rude as to blow you off and not meet you as she agreed.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"