Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 4/15/2009

Question
I met this woman online about 7 months ago.  She started out friendly and exciting and it she was fun to talk to.  We eventually starting flirting and it got serious.  We planned to meet but she canceled due to a family illness.  She got busy with work so we had less contact.  Then we had an argument over when we were going to meet.  She tells me to take it slow and that she is not ready for a serious relationship. She dropped the "Sweetheart", "Baby" and "I Love You" from the conversation. A couple weeks later I find out she's been dating several guys at the same time, I confronted her about this, she said I was emotionally battering her, that I couldn't handle her when she was busy/depressed and it wasn't fair for me to stick around while she figured herself out.  We still didn't break up though.

What do I do? Dump her? Move on? She still means something to me.

Answer
Hello Mike!

This is why I constantly tell people to avoid using the internet to meet people. Sure it seems easy and very low risk but there are so many problems with it that you simply don't get by meeting in person that it is a waste of your time.

The fact was that while you were trying to court her, she had probably 200 other guys doing the same thing. She's very good at getting you on the hook and you fell for it 100%. Then, when you pressed her to meet she got pissed and took it out on you. Now, you're sitting there hurting and frankly, she doesn't give a shit. She may even be getting some sort of perverted thrill out of it.

Trust me, you're broken up regardless of what's going on here.

Mike, the internet is a huge filter. That filter causes people to do and say things they'd never do or say to your face. This can happen even years down the road in some cases because there's just something artificial about the entire process in the back of people's minds. Further, as you've found, you can waste a huge amount of time and resources only to be right back to where you started (and are now) - nowhere.

Even worse, meeting women in person is so much fun - and so much more successful! Get back into reality and get back into the game. Avoid the internet to meet women.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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