Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/11/2009

Question
QUESTION: hey doc..I'm going to just be straight about this..i like this girl from grammar school days but my best friend always had a thing for her. I'm in my 20's now and my friend is away in the military. i bumped into her and we always talk on the phone now. always laughing and we stay on the phone for hours. she tells me 1 day that i shouldn't like her..i really like her and i want to pursue more..i just don't know how i should go about doing it. i also don't want to get into any problems with my best friend over it. can ya help me doc?

ANSWER: Hello Aaron!

Ok, I'll be straight with you too: if this is really your friend's crush and he's still connected to her, you've got to let her go and find someone else.

Aaron, here's the reality: you're going to have lots of women pass through your life at one level or another, but you're only going to have so many close friends. You need to take that into account. The reality is that your friends are ultimately more important that the women in your life.

Trust me on this: if you respect those friends, they will be there when you need them most. If you hit on their girls, they'll dump you as the virus you are.

On the flip side however, if you write to your friend and get his acceptance of all of this first (which, considering his situation, if he's really your friend, he'll give it to you) then it's open season on this girl. Do that FIRST and if you get his buy-in, then do the following:

Get the HELL off the phone and texts or any other form of technology and get this into real life NOW. Stop this nonsense of spending hours on the phone with her and trying to hold your "dates" that way. You both are going to get frustrated by this and it'll completely destroy anything you might have! Technology is a relationship killer - trust me about this!

If she tells you any more that you "shouldn't like her" just say, "Hey! You're not the boss of me!" and then drop the subject.

Once you get the buy-in from your buddy, start TREATING her like your girlfriend - go out with her (yes, on REAL dates - DO NOT "hang out" with her - that's what pussies do.) Create a habit and expectation that you and she will be together on a regular schedule and bingo! You have a relationship!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: ok doc. took your advise on it and got the permission from my friend, but I've got a new problem. I've gotten her to hang out with me a few times(which is a pussy thing i agree) and it goes pretty much same way as on the phone..great time. whenever i try to take her out on a real date it seems like she too busy or cant really come out until after everything is closed.i know it sounds weird but how can i get her out? thanks in advanced doc.

ANSWER: Hello again Aaron!

Boy! You sure think I'm dumb! Yeah, right - you got permission from your friend within minutes of having read my response all the way over from the military. If you think trying to play me is going to get you a "quality answer" you're sadly mistaken.

Here's a piece of advice: don't insult the intelligence of someone you're asking for help.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I'm not trying to insult your intelligence doc. my friend has a cell phone while he's on base. it took no more than 5 mins to talk to him. i wouldn't try to insult your intelligence when your intelligence is what im here for.

Answer
Sorry, I don't believe you.

Either way, if she won't go on a date with you then kick her to the curb, let her spend a few months alone at home and then see if she changes her mind. What ever you do, DO NOT hang out with her and for God's sake, don't pay for ANYTHING.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"