Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/11/2009

Question
I am a 30 yr old male.  I am a good person but not a people person.  I prefer to be quiet and by myself.  When I interact, I prefer one on one and never in group settings.  I just don't like crowds.  So I am a loner.

So I wanted to know if there is a girl that is just like me that exists out there?  Again, just like me, but only a girl.  The girls I've came across who are "loners" are not the ones I'm physically attracted to.  My thinking is that this type of loner girl who I am physically attracted to doesn't exist b/c I don't think it is in their (women's) nature to be a homebody b/c if they know they are cute/pretty; the cute/pretty ones will be out and about/socializing to show themselves off b/c they know they have  the looks.

So does a loner girl who is cute/pretty (the ones I'm attracted to) exist?  Where can I find?  What is the best way of finding her?

Thanks for your time.

Answer
Hello Pan!

Yes, there's a girl just like you out there. The problem is that people like you are breeding yourselves right out of existence!

However, part of the problem is that a girl like this isn't GOING to be attractive to you. The reason for this is simple: opposites really DO attract. You never see two "lives of the party" together romantically for example. It simply doesn't happen.

So, you don't want to have to change or grow or become anything other than you have locked yourself into being. You want to do all the same things in all the same ways you have done them and you want to find the girl of your dreams with that plan.

Really? Seriously?

Let's get past these ridiculous questions and get to the meat of it:

Your plan to stay a loner, hide away from others AND to have a girlfriend simply isn't going to work. You've been doing this your entire life I'll bet. How has it worked out for you so far? The fact that you're writing to me is all the answer I need to that question.

You have two choices:

1) Continue to do what you're doing and hoping or expecting different results, or,

2) Change your circumstances and start having the things you really desire in your life.

Pan, women don't fall out of trees into your lap. They are "out there" waiting for you to show up. The problem is that you've decided to be a "loner" as though it was imposed on you or something by some outside force. It wasn't.

If I'm wrong and you've chosen this path, then you've also chosen a life of celibacy. That's a pretty dumb choice in my opinion. You could have so much more - and love the getting of it.

Yes, there are women out there just like you. The problem is that you'll never meet any of them.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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