Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/14/2009

Question
I met this girl 11 years ago when I was a freshamn in high school never spoke to her.Found her on a site a year ago and became friends.She now is married very unhappy though and my school boy crush has turned to being in love with her.What do I do and should I tell her?

Answer
Hello Jake!

No, you shouldn't tell her. What do you hope to gain - that she'll tell you that she's in love with you too and do all your work for you? Jake, that never works - and it'll totally kill off any chance you have with her at the same time.

From what I'm reading into your message, you and she have been having some deep conversations. The problem is that this has all be via the technology buffer. In other words, you're using technology as a filter to keep you from getting too close. That's a very dangerous thing if you ever want a chance to move anything forward with her. She's eventually going to see you as a coward and unable to make anything happen. That's not going to work for you.

You need to get this out into real life. You've got to get some face-time with her in order to begin establishing a connection.

You're also going to need to take some time and decide what you're really looking for here. Are you hoping to break up her marriage so that you have a shot at her? That's a very complicated and difficult thing to do - and you're even giving yourself greater handicaps by using the technology filter!

Jake, you have quite a few challenges ahead of you, but it all starts by getting this into real life.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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