Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/7/2009

Question
I met this woman several months ago and we hit it off very well. It actually felt like we had know each other for a long time. In the beginning things we progressing well then she pulled back. Then she decided to let things happen again and things were going well again then a big pull back. She was/ is going through a divorce and she said she wanted to feel some freedom and date other guys as well. She then added that she didn't want to "PLAY" with me and that I was a relationship guy. Then she told me she didn't want me to go away or disappear just to give her some more space and time for her. What should i do? Am I stupid for hanging around? Am I being played?

Answer
Hello David!

First, yes, you're getting played. She wants to go out and explore to see what's out there but also wants you hanging around in the wings just in case she doesn't find anything better.

This tells you that your perceived value to her is rather low. Do you really want to be in that situation? Only you can decide.

But, before you do, considering uping your value somewhat first. You do this by dating OTHER women. Not only does this give you greater "social proof" (by other women being interested in you) but you also are less accessible to her - and she risks losing you.

By measuring out the amount of time you can give her, you increase your value substantially as well as the likelihood that she'll decide to get with you right away rather than playing around with things.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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