Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 7/30/2009

Question
Hello, how are you doing today? I hope that you are doing well! Well I’m going to get to the point. You see I’m 42 and have been praying for a certain type of woman for years and years. A godly woman. And about 9 months ago this woman entered into my life on a phone chat line. At the time I was in North Dakota. And she is in Maryland. And when we in the after about a month God showed me that she was truly the one for me. My soul mate. It wasn’t me and my desires it was God. So within a few months I went and met her. But when I got there she wasn’t truly following the Lord in her life. And also I violated my own faith and slept with her. And also before I left ND we were under the agreement that I would not stay with her. But when I got there things fell through for me and I wound up having to stay with her. So I stayed with her for about a month. Now during this whole time she considered us just friends. But I knew what God showed me. And seen her as more than a friend. Now she wasn’t dating anyone else. So because I had to leave I came to Washington State. Where I am now. And since I been here her life honoring God has grown immensely. And that has caused my love for her to grow beyond the point that I have ever loved anyone before! So much that I committed myself to her fully. I live my life like she is my girlfriend. I mean it’s to the point that I purposely avoid even talking to other women unless I have to talk to them. So as if to not even give them the idea that I am single. But now she says that I and she are single. But she makes comments a lot in reference to accusing me of meeting someone another woman. And that is far from true. Now she has a past of abuse and neglect and people mainly men lying and deceiving her. And she has been diagnosed with Clinical Depression and anxiety. And she acts like she doesn’t trust me. But I am truly not doing anything wrong! So now I am in a financial situation that is preventing me from going to Maryland where she is. So what I’m asking you is why she won’t commit to me. But she acts like she gets jealous of me and don’t trust me at times. O, and also she threatens to leave a lot to when we get in disagreements. Or I don’t do what she says I told her that just because we disagree doesn’t mean that we should leave each other. So I really would appreciate it if you would respond to this letter and give me some much needed advice! Thank you Douglas!

Answer
Hello Douglas!

I don't know what advice you want to give me. Anything logical I tell you is just going to be a waste - you believe that God is controlling everything and that you have absolutely no responsibility or culpability here at all.

Therein lies you answer by the way. You've given up everything to God - including clear thinking! What if God is the one that is making her not want to be with you? What if he's the one that is making her clinically depressed?

Oh, that's right. Anything bad that happens has to be the devil, not God and God only wants exactly what you want - even to remain celibate for years and years.

Douglas, if you don't take responsibility for your life and your love, there's absolutely NOTHING I can say to you that's ever going to help you.

Despite it being a total and complete waste of my time, I'm going to tell you what you need to know anyway. You might as well stop reading here though because you're never going to accept it. Beelzebub or demons or ghosts or some other spirit must have made me write this stuff since you can't possibly believe that you'd be wrong at all since God made YOU do everything!

Long-distance relationships never work out. That's the fact. You've spent all this time convincing yourself of things that simply don't exist. You've built up things in your own mind based exclusively on your own needs and loneliness that aren't reality including your tie to this woman (by "God" no less!) How can logic and reality ever compete with that? (answer: it can't.)

Your own goals, dreams, desires, wishes, wants, needs, etc., have completely clouded the reality that this is anything but "perfect" for you.

In fact, you don't even see that this woman is a selfish bitch! She doesn't want you but doesn't want you to have anyone else either. Her own jumbled mind makes her prefer that you need her in the way you obviously do (a very unhealthy way, by the way) so that she can feel worthwhile, but that doesn't extend into giving you what you want or need.

There are people who's beliefs empower and enrich them. I'm afraid yours doesn't seem to be one of these. It has kept you from having a happy, healthy relationship and continues right into this situation. What sort of God would want that?

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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