Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 7/10/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi. I'm trying to compress some of the concepts you've discussed in BAMII around modalities and metaprograms and ask good (innocent) questions that will draw an insightful response, so I wrote up the following cheat sheet to put in my wallet and look at just prior to a date as an instant refresher. I wanted to copy this to you. I'm keeping the question private because of your copywrite. I respect you are busy but if you have time to see if I should review a part, please comment back or use this however you wish. Cheers,

What sort of relationship are you looking for? how come?
What qualities are you looking for in a bf?
What are your friends like?
If you could do anything you wanted what would you do?
What's your job like? What made you decide to do it? If you could do anything what would you do?
Where do you want to travel to?
What do you like to do the most in your free time?

Emotional vs physical
Relationship/people focus vs issue/judgement focus
Auditory vs visual vs tactile

Sensing: the things - tactile, beliefs based on observation and the concrete, indicators, real world examples
Intuitive: the internal, innate, beliefs based on faith or experience, seemed like, I thought, unable to illustrate

Moving away: bills, lack of, tired of, needed a change, focus on past or negative
Moving toward: accomplishment, feeling good about, more money for, focus on positive or ends

Options: responds to opportunities, adaptable, I could, focus is solid path is mutable
Procedures: stays the course, prep, planning, goals, focus is mutable steps are solid

Sort by self: me, less value of opinions, influences are accessory
Sort by others: they, more value opinions, influences are primary

External: I belong to the world, the environment, the greater good guides me
Internal: It’s my life, my world, I shape

Match: shying from/ignoring disparity, focus on common attributes, seeking peace, joining
Mismatch: bridging disparity,  focus on differences, pushing the envelope away from, mixing it up, changing, outside the box, dared me not to





ANSWER: Hello Paul!

"Innocent" questions? I've never seen one of these!    ;)

Remember, you can always write to me directly at my email address: dwneder@beingaman.com if you want additional help.

Thank you for this cheat-sheet! It's excellent and I'll see if I can Incorporate it into the material. You'd be surprised at how closely I look at these things. Everyone is creative (not just me!) and these tools help all guys - so I thank you for your contribution!

This is an excellent tool by the way! These are exactly the questions you should be asking and what I like most about them is that they are:

1) Come directly from your goals
2) Aren't in any specific language
3) Don't "lead" the communication modalities, but discover them instead
4) Get her talking - and thinking
5) Covers the bases; in a broad way, of the communication systems

Good job here! More important, it makes me want to go back and re-read my own material! (It's been some time and I'm due for a review myself!)

By the way - I feel that no contribution should ever go unrewarded. If you'll send me your email address, I'll send you a free copy of the "Communication Systems Fast-Track" as a thank you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: hey awesome! I'm glad you liked it. I'm sure it can be improved upon but i thought it would kinda be like having a mini "huddle" just prior to the date.

Cool, well my email is  and yes, you may edit, rewrite or use all of that or part of it however you wish and I won't make any claim toward it or ask for any form of credit or compensation... unless you make millions! (kidding) It's all based on your stuff anyhow. I just think that dudes need to have better skills in this day in age. Your book says it all about how pussed out today's man is. Lot's of nice guys out there with healthy goals but no idea. No blame to women that we aren't being taught these skills... well maybe the feminazi's and media but we gotta evolve. Cheers, Paul

Answer
Hello again Paul!

Unfortunately, your email address was stripped from this message. You'll have to write to me directly or through my website (http://BeingAMan.com) instead.

Thanks again. You're right - no blame to women that men aren't learning these things, but women have their own set of problems to fix, so I'm not in a hurry to absolve them of much!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"