Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 7/17/2009

Question
QUESTION: Dear Dr.Neder

I am a 30-year old male. I think you can help me. After an unsuccessful marriage I have recently fallen in love with one of my colleagues. She has been in love before and hurt badly...she says she does love me but cannot marry me exactly because of this, since love will be destroyed after a short time and nothing but differences remain, with seperation the final note. I love her truly and wish to pledge my own life to her for eternity, I want her to trust me but she can't overcome her fears. She says she must crush and trample her heart and forget about love, and marry someone in a classic and traditional marriage, without consideration for love.I am trying to use the law of attraction. So far many things that she refused to believe was possible has happaened between us, but she still insists we will get separated in the end. Yet she continues to call me and enjoys my romantic behaviour. She tries hard to conceal her own feelings but I can sense it easily. She is in denial of her own heart and love!! I have tried not to force her emotionally but my love for her just pours out! I can't stop myself from loving her, I feel I MUST be true to my own heart. I am sending a 100 percent pure love for her into the universe, something I visualize
as a river of molten gold. I visualize her as already being my wife, I call her my lady, my love and life. I also have a strong faith in God and believe in Him wanting the best for me. I have been 100% pure and honest with her, I love her more than my own life and will gladly give it up to protect her from harm. Will I succeed in changing her intentions? And can I do anything more?

Thanks a lot
Mehdi

ANSWER: Hello Mehdi!

Since you're a religious man, let me tell you a story:

An old man was at home when it started raining down in buckets. This lasted for many hours and one of his neighbors came by and asked him to leave with them for his own safety. He said, "No, my faith in God is strong and I believe he will protect me."

The rains turned into a flood and soon the water was entering his home. His family came by and begged him to leave with them. "No, I believe God will protect me" he said and closed the door.

Soon, the water was up to his neck and a man in a boat came by trying to help. The old man said, "I don't need your help. I have God."

After a while, the waters rose above the eve of his house and the old man was forced onto the roof. A helicopter came by but again the man refused help. Eventually a wave crashed over the top of his house and the man was swept off the roof to his own death.

Standing before God, the old man said, "God, I believed in you as strong as any man could and you ignored my prayers for help. How could you do this to me?" God answered, "My son, I sent a neighbor, your family, a boat and a helicopter for you!"

The point of this story is that wishing, hoping, visualizing and everything else isn't going to do anything for you without action. It's the action that makes things happen.

You're working so hard on trying to manifest success here but you're totally missing the work part.

You need to go to this girl and say (both in words AND actions) "Yes, I understand that you've been hurt before. That's a tragic thing. Maybe God sent me to rescue you - or maybe not, but we won't know unless we give this thing a try."

She doesn't want to live a life of hurt any more than you do. The problem is that she doesn't know any other way. Maybe it's time to show her that way.

Stop wishing and start moving this somewhere!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Dr.Neder

I HAVE talked and acted in this way...the problem is since I am a divorced man with a child and she a virgin, even though we are each others' equal in many respects,according to our culture she holds the higher status, and it is unnatural and unexpected for her to marry a man of my status. So we have the severe disagreement of her family, who try to bring other persons into her life.Also she is afraid that our love would be destroyed eventually, or I would go back to my ex because of our child. She is unstable in her emotions, by night when we talk she loves me and says so, and by day she tries to deny all she has said the night before! And in the meantime, I have to stand aside and watch other men being introduced to her by her family, who are unmarried with no troubling past or attachments. I can't stand to lose her, even though I understand her reluctance. I don't know what to do. I don't want to see her with another man, and witness the complete destruction of my dreams and emotions. I just can't bear this, even though she has warned me of this possibility and I have accepted the risk of possible failure. How can I handle this? I seek peace within my prayers to God, but to little avail. Help me please. I just can't lose her and bear this new pain, I have already tolerated enough pain to last me a lifetime.

Mehdi


Answer
Hello again Mehdi!

Why would you accept such a risk? Here's the problem: you've put all the power into her hands and have none of it for yourself. That's not "risk", it's giving up your future to someone else.

You need to bottom-line this with her. Why is she keeping you on the hook here? Frankly, that's very cruel on her part! She doesn't care that you're hurting and that should tell you something.

Maybe it's time to come out of this fantasy and see what's really going on here. She's playing you and using you for her own benefit. She tells you one thing and then the next day turns it around completely.

The real problem is that YOU are accepting this treatment! No woman can ever respect a man that does what you're doing, and trust me, she'll never love someone she doesn't respect!

Therein lies your dilemma. You need to get to the end of this thing with her either so that you have her or your can move on and get healed.

Tell her that you've made up YOUR mind. You're not going to wait for her any longer. Either she makes a decision to move forward with you or you're simnply going to leave her behind.

Seriously Mehdi, what other choice do you have? Continuing to hurt like you are while she goes "shopping" for other men is absolutely ridiculous and unhealthy. Never put your well-being in the hands of anyone else. They don't cherish it like you do and she obviously feels free to trample on it anytime she wants.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"