Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 8/10/2009

Question
Doc,

 I am very close with a wonderful woman who, like me, is in a long term relationship.  We are both unhappy and are very well suited for each other.  My concern is that all the rules of thumbs say that nice guys finish last.  She says that for her that nice guys finish first.  I am sure that we will begin to see one another in the near future - should I be the nice guy or the less nice guy who always wins?

KC

Answer
Hello KC!

It's unfortunate, but often, what women say and what women do are at odds. I constantly hear women saying they want "nice guys" only to spend all of their waking time looking for jackasses - and then being surprised when they wake up and discover they got exactly what they asked for.

The unfortunate reality is that women are pre-programmed to seek out those men that are (to one degree or another) more self-involved than those "nice guys" that are total givers. Because I deal with the world of reality, I constantly direct guys to be "what the market wants" rather than what the market SAYS it wants.

I'm sorry if any of this is vague. More to the point: don't be the nice guy regardless of what she tells you. It's extremely unlikely she really wants that, trust me.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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