Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 8/23/2009

Question
Hello Im Adam Cavanagh i have had so many relationships but feel so wierd i really like this girl ive known her for about 2 years she is so beautiful and i find it so easy to talk to her and we have a few things in comman how can i make really like me so she falls for meh ive never felt this way about a girl like this before and really really like her please help meh

Answer
Hello Adam!

So, what you're really asking me is this: "how can I impress this girl so much that she falls in love with me, has to have me and does all my work for me. Then, I won't have to take any risks or be afraid of being rejected."

Adam, can you see how weak, lazy and ridiculous that sounds?

If you're someone that has had "...so many relationships..." you should know better. Here's the reality:

* It's YOUR job to not only start something here, but to continue moving it forward.
* It's NOT her job, and she damn-well knows it.
* If you continue waiting for her to make moves, she's going to get tired of it and will slide you right into the friends-category and you'll NEVER have anything with her.
* If you only take some small, measured risks, you'll have a great chance of having what you want.

Yes, you'll also have the chance of losing her, but that's why you should NEVER fall in love with anything (or anyone) until you own it/them. When you do that, you give away all your power to that person or thing. That's exactly what you've done here.

Ultimately, you need to do the basic things in order to start building something with this girl such as go out on an actual date with her, be fun, charming, etc., and begin the habit of being together.

At the same time you need to NOT make the same mistakes guys in your situation usually make like NOT moving things forward, confessing your feelings for her (thinking that'll make her do the same thing - it won't) or waiting for her to make the moves you need to make.

After 2 years of doing things wrong, don't you need to go after the end-game here? Don't you think you should just go for it and realize that if things work out, great and if they don't, that's great too because it'll let you move on and be wiser the next time?

I sure do.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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