Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 8/29/2009

Question
Hi Dennis!
Recently I had a crush on a girl who happens to work in the same company with me.But we are in different departments so hardly get time to interract and also we hardly know each other..however when i first saw her I some how got the feeling that she is the lady of my imagination.And ever since then she started running in my mind but i couldnt find way to let her know abt my feeling.then i decided to tell the same to one of her frnd which wen she told her,she was qurious to know abt me.after knowing that i started sending her mails regarding my feelings.i honestly told her my feelings and proposed fr her frndship.but i dint receive any mails fr so many days.then she suddenly revertd back after my repeated mails.It said that "Hi! i have no clue who you are only that we work in the same company.and that I use facebook for beeing in touch with my existin frnds and not new frnds.if you find it to be rude then m sorry.tk care bye"was her words.she has very sweetly declined my proposal.Now im not sure how to goabt next.cause I desperately want to know her.I hope the picture is clear by now so plese help me...please

Answer
Hello Priyadarsh!

Here's the problem: you went right in for what you wanted (normally a good thing) but had absolutely no context or rapport or connection with her to get it.

If you and she had spent some time together in order to get to know one another you would have likely had enough to build something.

Priyardarsh, NEVER, EVER unload your feelings on some girl like this! There's no reason for it - and she knows it! She knows that you interests are based exclusively on two things: how she looks and your imagination - nothing more.

Think about how insulting that is for her! She's hoping that someone likes her for being who she is. What do you do? You tell her that isn't worth any effort to find out and that you're already in love with her!

Frankly, this is probably game-over now. You may have a chance if she's willing to meet you for some coffee or a drink where you and she can sit and talk and get to know each other, but if she turns you down, it's time to move on and be smarter about things later.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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