Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 8/16/2009

Question
I've known this girl for many years (more than 5 years) by now. We have been chatting online since we've known each other, very seldom on phone calls and we went out only ONCE. On top of that, this one time that we went out, I have confessed to her that I liked her and she accepted it, which in the end brought us together for a short while. That happened when we were both still very young and these experiments on relationships still looked interesting. Later on, probably a month, we broke up because we realized we did not know each other too well. We then continued to chat online and halfway through she got herself a boyfriend. Recently she broke up with her boyfriend and I realized that I again have the same feelings that I had for her before this. The problem is, through out these years of knowing her, I've only met her once, spoken to her on the phone for probably less than 10 times and probably became bestfriends on the internet (online chats). I would like to have something started out with her. I don't know how to do it. I'm totally lost and don't know what to do at all. I don't even have the guts to ask her out, because I find it awkward to ask her out after knowing her for so many years and that applies to the phone calls too. We haven't been speaking too much on the phone remember? Please advice. I could seriously use some help on this matter.

Answer
Hello Matthew!

You know that you have probably ruined your chances with her, right? All this on-line stuff and going from dating to nothing and then to friendship has very likely changed her image of you from someone she might want to date to something more like a brother - and trust me, women don't date their brothers.

Further, you claim that you're too scared to ask her out, so really, what are you hoping from me? That I'll have some magic wand that will make her fall in love with you and do all your work for you? If you can't ask her to meet you, it's game over and time to move on and find someone that you're not so scared to ask out.

So, there it is. Until you find the courage to ask this girl out on a date - even if to just catch up in person or have a drink or whatever, you have nothing to work with.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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