Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 8/24/2009

Question
hi im a senior in high school which just started last week and theres this really cute girl in my psych class. i wanna find a way to talk to her or get her to notice me or something but idk how. most stuff online would say to see her outside of class and just walk up and be like "hey arent u in psych class?" but i think that just sounds stupid, awkward, and wouldnt work at this age i guess. im not sure if i really even see her in the halls either. she doesnt sit that close to me in class too so its pretty hard for me to think of something. i was wondering if you could help me with as many ideas as you got and plz get as detailed as you can. thank you very much

Answer
Hello Alec!

What you're asking for is what so many guys ask me for - the sure, magical thing that will make her fall in love with you.

Adam, it doesn't exist. Stop searching for it - you're just wasting your time. Trust me on this: if it DID exist, I'd be out of a job.

Here's what you need: "context".

Context (or more specifically, the "context approach") is the best approach there is. You can use it anywhere with anyone. It's not magic however, but it's highly effective and will work with this girl just as well as it does with anyone else.

First off however, you've got to get over these preconceived ideas that things "don't work". They don't work based on what? Your decades of successful approaches? Your years of experience and hundreds of successful relationship examples that you've earned?

Come on here Alec. Stop looking for magic and start using the tried-and-true successes.

Here's how the context approach works:

You simply think of the answer to one question: "what do she and I have in common at this place, at this time, in this situation?"

Your answer to that question is your "context" for approaching her. You actually have tons of context already! You are in class together, you sit near each other, you have to do the same homework assignments, etc., etc., etc.

Any one of these is sufficient context to approach this girl. Keep in mind you're NOT going to make this girl fall in love with you from your approach. In fact, the more contrived your approach, the LESS she's going to be attracted to you! Girls aren't stupid. They see right though these things.

That's why the context approach is so beautiful! It doesn't give her any specific notions of what you want! You're just some cute, friendly guy that she might just want to get to know better. It's really easy and more important, she'll never see it coming.

The other aspect of the context approach is this: get the hell to it already! It doesn't get easier if you wait - it gets tougher. I want you to use this approach first thing tomorrow. Don't wait for the "perfect time" because that never comes. The "perfect time" is the time you have right now - wherever and whenever you have it.

It's time to nut-up here Alec and get the approach out of the way. You have many steps yet to go and this is only the first (and frankly, the easiest) one.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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