Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 8/17/2009

Question
hey doc my name is adam, ive been talkin to this girl for about 2 months now. her boyfriend broke up with her by moving to florida and he didnt tell her until the day before he left. the boyfriend before him used to beat her. ive been taking her out and she says she is having fun, that she likes doing it, we hav had sex already but she says she isnt ready for a relationship yet, i told her that i dont want her to jump in and say that we are n a relationship unless thats what she wants. i told her i dont want her to say yes and then regret it days, weeks, or months later. i want her to be with me because she wants to be, not because im here. how do i open her eyes a lil more? i want to show her i really care and that i would neved do what the past douches have done to her. i hav honestly never felt this way about someone before....plz help me out

Answer
Hello Adam!

Why in the hell would you tell her exactly what you DO NOT want only because you think that's what she wants to hear?

Adam, come on here. You're the man in this relationship, right???? That means that YOU control it - not her! You're letting her make all the decisions and then sitting around hoping SHE'LL be the man and put things the way you want them to be. No WONDER she doesn't want a relationship - with you.

Wake the hell up here already! You're doing exactly what I see guys doing all the time - and women absolutely hate it. They lose respect for you because you're a pussy and a coward. They want to be with men that know what they want and go after it - not guys that say dumb things like, "I don't want you to jump in..."

Look: she knows damn well what you want. You're not fooling anyone other than, maybe yourself. I'm certainly not fooled by this and neither is she.

This doesn't mean that you can walk right up to her and say, "Ok, we're now in a relationship!" Instead, you simply BE in a relationship with her. You do all the things that you'd do when you were in a relationship and to hell with what she tells you she wants. Trust me, she WANTS to be in a relationship, but she wants to be in one with someone she respects. She'll never respect you if you pull this pussy bullshit!

If you don't get onto this - and I mean quickly - she's going to find some guy like me and totally dump you. Then, you'll be writing to me trying to figure it all out.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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