AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world.
I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: http://beingaman.com for much more. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com
Experience Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.
Education/Credentials Doctor of Philosophy
Past/Present Clients Many thousands ... and millions of readers all over the world.
Question I met this lady about 4 months ago and we chatted over the Internet for awhile through e-mail. A week later she gave me her number and asked me to call. We talked for about a week over the phone every day and we had long enjoyable conversations. We finally went out and we clicked very well. This continued for several weeks in addition to chatting every day. And if I would miss calling her one day, she would actually call me. One night after we had spent most the weekend together, she said things were moving fast and she needed to go at her pace. She had left her husband 9 months ago by her choice, which by the way, she talked often about the things he did that upset her and how he verbally abused her. She said she was comfortable sharing with me. After she said she needed to slow down, I left her alone for a week and then heard from her. We started talking again and then she took a trip home to see her family for a week, but continued to talk to me while away. When she got back home, she wanted to start doing things we enjoyed together and over the course of 4 days, we spent every day together. She seemed really happy to be spending time with me again. This continued on for awhile and then one weekend I asked her what exactly was happening between us as I was not sure. She is dealing with her ex who still upsets her and calls, a loss of a job and uncertainty about if she is staying or moving back home. So with that plus the fact that she had mentioned 2 months prior things were moving too fast, I was being respectful and not rushing anything with her and simply doing things we both enjoy when she wanted and not rushing into anything physical. That day I asked her, she said I can only offer you a friendship for now. I said you act like we are dating with the amount of time we spend and talking daily. She said she has too much she is dealing with and does not need any added pressure. I was frustrated and sad to hear that as well. Awhile later that same day, she was telling me a dream about loosing something and being still hurt I made a rude comment about possibly loosing me. That really hurt her, hurt me I said it and she compared me to her ex husband and said she was disappointed and never expected something like that from me. I have always been very kind and respectful to her and I know that surprised her to see me be like that. She would not talk to me and wanted me to go home. That same morning, her ex had called her and had really put her in a bad emotional state and I am kicking myself for allowing something rude to come out of me as that is not my behavior, but I was hurt inside. I called her the next day to apologize and got her v/m, but did leave a sincere apology message. It has been 8 days now and we have not spoken and I am just not sure what to do. I really miss her friendship as we share so many same interests in what we like to do. If all she can offer is a friendship, I would be happy to have that as I do value what we had. I have tried to leave her alone as they say to give women space when they are upset and confused, but I really would like to talk and know she is okay and what is going on inside her. I see her online all the time, but never message her, though I want to. Please share some advice on how to proceed. Thanks!
Answer Hello TJ!
Seriously? You'd be "happy" to have her friendship if that's all she'll give you? Seriously? Is that all you think you're worth? No WONDER she doesn't want to give you more! You don't think you deserve it so why should she? I'm convinced she's looking for the guy that KNOWS he deserves more than just friendship from her.
TJ, how's this for rude: pull your freakin' head out of your ass!!! What in the hell are you thinking here? "Being respectful" "being considerate" "giving her space" - really - who exactly is in control of this "relationship" (answer: she is because you've given away all your power and all your masculinity!) What this woman really needs is strength and security ("the rock" as women like to put it). What you give her is a total lack of either.
TJ, have you even kissed this woman? Have you slept with her? I'll be the answer to the last question is "no", but I'll also bet you're paying for all the dates - all while you're comforting her and trying to be her therapist, or even worse, her "friend".
If you want my advice on how to proceed - and you're looking for a "friendship" - go ask someone else. At least I know that's not what you want. Until you realize it, there's not much I can do for you.
When you finally realize that you deserve more (and I hope you realize it before she meets someone else that does) then you need to call this woman up - DO NOT text her, DO NOT message her, DO NOT email her! CALL HER.
When you do, say, "I've decided that I either want all of you or none of you. I'm not happy with only getting the scraps you're throwing my way. Thus, I've decided [notice how this is all about you and NOT her?] I am either going to have all of you - right here, right now - or I'm never going to see you again and I'm moving on to find someone that knows what they have when the see me."
That's pretty all-or-nothing, wouldn't you agree? I'm afraid, that's the option you're left with here. You've done everything by her playbook, and how has that worked out for you so far?
I think you need to open - and use - your own playbook from here on out. If you can't do that, then simply move on and see if you can find another woman that would be ok with being the leader in any relationship you have with her. Frankly, I haven't met very many of these.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"
