Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/10/2009

Question
ok, plz dont make fun of me for any reason at all, thanks. Im in the 9th grade and i really like this girl that was in my 8th grade class last year and we still see each other out side all the time. at the beggining of the year i tried to ask her if she would be my ballroom dancing partner, but she just gave me a big smile, giggled a bit, and walked away without giving me any answers :(. dude now to sound all emotional and whatever but that really hurt me bad.recently i asked her to the 8th grade prom and she said yes, but when i asked to walk her home she said no and that made my walk really akward. we live real close. i have no problem talking to girls but i like her more than i ever liked any other girl and i act all wierd around her. we can talk but i cant keep it together. she is also really really shy. she only talks to me and her best friend. her friend never stops telling me how much the girl likes me but i dont get how you treat someone you like that way. should i even keep trying to go out with her. im confused dude, i feel like she just threw me in a pit trap and left me there to die. plz help me. sorry for long question.

Answer
Hello Patrick!

Don't make fun of you???? I'm not making ANY promises here! You have to step up and take your chances just like everyone else that asks me questions on this board!

Here's my question: why are you ASKING her for these things in the first place? What makes you think you have to ask? No wonder sometimes she says "yes" and sometimes she says "no" and sometimes she says nothing!

You're now in 9th grade and I want you to learn a little fact that most of your buddies aren't going to learn for another 10-20 years (if even then). This is going to put you WAY beyond the bell-curve here: YOU ARE THE MAN. You don't have to get a girl's "permission" to do what you want! You (if you're smart - and I hope you are) get to decide these things and do them! Further, girls LOVE guys that do this!

In a way, this girl has really helped you! She's trying to get you to be the man here (in her own, misguided way) and doesn't know how to tell you what she wants. No problem! As I said before, you're the guy here (right???) Thus, you just TELL HER what you want and that's that. If she has some problem with it, she'll tell you - trust me. Then, you can simply say, "No, we're going to do it my way. We'll do it your way when you [insert thing she does - ask to walk home with you/go to the prom/have lunch together/etc. - here]."

That seems bossy at first, and trust me, if you tried to pull that with your buddies, they'd probably laugh at you, but girls are different. When a guy shows leadership like this, they naturally respond to it positively. Don't believe me? Try this: the very next time you see her on her way home, don't ask her if you can walk her home - just DO IT. The next time you want to eat lunch with her just walk up and say, "Let's go sit over there."

Watch what she does - and totally ignore what she says. Patrick, it's actions, not words that mean everything.

Man! I wish I knew that little fact when I was in 9th grade!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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