Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/17/2009

Question
Okay i am currently a senior in high school. I have had the biggest crush on this girl all through high school since 9th grade. We had tried dating every year again but something always happened.Last year she had just got out of a relationship and i was so excited to start talking to her again. We started talking and had sex but she said that i was too clingy and that we rushed things. Now this year i am getting signs that she is attracted to me again. How do i not mess this one up and make her my girlfriend? i cant stop thinking about this girl and can honestly say im in love with her? Can u pleaseeee help me!!!

Answer
Hello Brandon!

Here's a reality that women HATE me to tell you guys: women want to be the ones to chase, not to BE chased.

Here's why: women want to feel like you're something of a prize to win and when they win you, they feel like they've really gotten something of value. When you chase them it makes them feel like you're not that valuable simply because you have to work this hard. This is a huge confusion because so many women claim that it turns them on when a guy chases them - and for a short while, it does, only to then turn them off again when they get you.

Yes, I know that's confusing.

This girl is interested in you and she's forgotten how needy you are. When you start dating her, you start chasing her and she turns off and then, after a year or so, forgets it and is back to attraction again.

If she's showing signs of interest again, use that to move forward. Go on a date, have sex and then, "forget" to call her for a week. Then, just check in. Do it again the week later. Then, set up a date for the next week and "forget" to show. Then, when she calls you all angry about it, just say, "Hey, don't get all bent out of shape!" and end the call and don't call her up for another week. Then, make it after 10 pm and just see if you can meet up with her to have sex again and then leave immediately afterward.

Yes, I know this sounds like a rude game - and it is!

You see, many women (including, obviously this one) need the games to feel worthwhile in the relationship. This drama is what they consider "relationship building". More important, it makes her have to chase you down and adds value to you in her eyes.

Now, you're going to have to ask yourself whether you really want to be around someone that is attracted to a guy that will do this. Frankly, I wouldn't be, but then, I'm not you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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