Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/6/2010

Question
I want to give a girl some flowers (I grew some daffodils) because I have a crush on her, though I don't know how she would react but the whole school (and the teachers) know I like her. I'm 15 she's 17

I don't want to go out with her because I know I won't have a chance, she's so beautiful, she has a boyfriend too (I'm not scared of him or anyone, I'm just being considerate)

she knows I like her, I glanced at her once or twice at the sports days because it was hard not too, when my friends ask her how she was on that day, she just looked blank and looked at me in a inquisitive, confused way.

I then told her about everything (apart from telling her that I liked her) on facebook last month because it was the only way I could talk with her in private, she replied, sounding quite happy-telling me that all the rumours going around the school was probably just 'banter'. She also put an 'X' on the end!

I just wanted to ask where to go from here, I want to give her flowers, and I don't care what everyone else says, I just hope she isn't embarresed herself If I do.

Thanks for reading it means a lot


Answer
Hello Ryan!

Really Ryan? Is that all you want - just to give her flowers and nothing else?

Come on here, let's be honest with each other. You want far more than just to hand someone a bunch of flowers. Trying to kid yourself will only keep yourself fooled - and not get you what you want.

As to the "rumors" you mentioned. What rumors? That you and she like each other? Frankly, if that's what they are, it's a perfect opportunity!

Also, regarding the "boyfriend" - it's not "considerate" for you to not do anything because of him. In fact, it's both disrespectful and inconsiderate! Who's to say that he's a better choice for her than you are? In fact, you ARE scared. Again, let's be honest here.

Nobody wants to be rejected, but the reality is this: if you don't take some risks (and by that I mean the RIGHT risks), you'll never have what you want in life - or love.

Giving this girl a bunch of flowers is a very weak play and will likely cause her to be embarrassed. After all, what's the context for giving them to her? What are you hoping that she'll just do all your work for you? That's exactly what she'll think. Then, you'll lose her because it's far too much pressure.

Don't give gifts without them being earned.

Instead, get to know this girl already. You have enough context to talk to her and to establish some connection - use it. Don't throw flowers or compliments or anything else at her and expect her to just "pick you". That's not how it works. You have to move this forward for her.

Why not suggest you and she get together and do something fun? That way she'll see what a great guy you are and she can decide who is a better choice between you and her boyfriend? Then, when she chooses you, you can give her those flowers.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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