Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/20/2010

Question
Hi my names Mikey im a 16 yr old boy and i think ive found the girl of my dreams i dont know her at all. All I know is her name age and that shes a bit younger then me. Her names Rebecca and shes truly the most beautiful human being on earth and I must be with her. Heres my problem we dont have any classes together and none of my friends really know her either so I couldnt get anyone to introduce her to me. Heres my question how do I approach her without making her feel awkward and how do I make a good impression on her so I can build on that and get to know her even better then I can ask her out. She has alot of friends that are guys and I know my chances arent great but i must try I would, like an answer.    P.s. she is pretty popular but no where near the peak while im in the average area. P.P.s. This is not just a sexual attraction I litterally feel a deep inner hole that only she can fill in my heart I respect her and she is truly perfection.

  Thank You, Mikey

Answer
Hello Mikey!

Slow down there tiger! You "must be with her"? What if you're not? You have "...an inner hole that only she can fill"? What if she doesn't agree??? She is "truly perfection"? You don't even know this girl! Trust me, she is anything but "perfection"!

Stop putting such absolutes on unknowns! When you do that with girls, you also give away all your power to them and trust me: no girl wants that. She wants you to have it so she can admire you.

Second, don't worry about how she feels! Awkward or not, think about how lucky she's going to be in meeting a great guy like you. Isn't that how you want her to feel? Focus on what you want, not on what you don't.

Third, impressions: forget them. What you're really hoping, deep down is that you'll impress her so much that she'll just go nuts and do all your work for you. It doesn't work Mikey and it never has.

If you make any of these mistakes you're just shooting yourself in the foot - and almost guaranteeing that you'll ever have anything more with her than you have now. Get over it, take a deep breath and let's move forward here...

What you need is "context". Context is your reason to approach her. Keep in mind that you're not going to make her fall in love with you from the very first hello. That happens in fairytales, not in real life. What you need to do is to build interest and attraction in her over time. Get used to that idea, because that's how it works.

Context is simple: ask yourself this question: "what do she and I have in common at this place, at this time, in this situation?" The answer (or answers) to that question is/are your context - and your reason to approach. It's very simple.

I don't know either of you but I know at least that you go to the same school. There's just one example of context and that is enough to approach her! You also likely live in the same neighborhoods and maybe even have the same classes at different periods. Any of those are good reasons to approach her! If you think about it, there are probably 100 others as well.

For example, let's say you both have the same teacher for some subject. You could walk right up to her and say, "Hey [her name], I'm Mikey. You have Mr. Smith for English, don't you?" [she answers yes and you continue] "Did he give your class that assignment on..."

Finally, you end this opener with an "open-ended question" in order to get her talking. To find out more about this, go to my website (http://BeingAMan.com) and click on "self help". From there, read my FAQ's.

As she really gets going and you ask her a few more questions, judge where you are in the conversation. You want to be the one to end things - not her! When it's at the high-point, simply say, "Hey, it was nice meeting you. We should do this again. Here, write down your number and I'll call you. Maybe we can get together next week." Hand her a pen and paper and you're in!

Then, in a few days, call her up, remind her of who you are and what you talked about and tell her (don't ask her) about something you think she'd like to do on Saturday (or whenever) and you're looking forward to continuing the conversation.

Mikey, it's that simple!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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