Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/3/2010

Question
Does personality really triumph over looks when it comes to attracting a women? I'm 20 and I've seen alot of girls just always talk about how cute that one guy was, how gorgeous his eyes were, how sexy his smile is, how hot is hair is.  They NEVER say anything about how amazing some guy's personality is, it's always about the looks.  I feel sorry for the average looking guys talking to a girl only to see her focus her attention to the cute guy in the corner.  You could be having a good conversation with a girl but as soon as long blond haired surfer guy with sparkling eyes walks in the door all of a sudden they're thinking "OOOOOHH MMMYYYY GOODDDD!! he is SSSSOOOOO HOTTT!!!!" I saw this alot in high school whenever I tried to talk to girls in my class. Will Personality ever defeat looks?

Answer
Hello Anthony!

Yes, it really does. However, it greats more pronounced as you get older. My own research and a number of other studies have proven that women are attracted to men based on these attributes (in order of importance):

1) Power
2) Confidence
3) Sense of Humor
4) Genuiness
5) Masculinity
6) Conversation skills
7) Style
8) Looks
9) Money
10) Muscles

Think about that for a minute. Looks are #8 on the list! There are 7 more important attributes than the way a man looks, but initially, what else do women have to go on other than that? Interestingly, men (and women too!) that are extremely good looking usually lack most if not all of those other 7 things because they don't have to develop them, nor do they get rewarded for doing so!

Girls in their teens and 20's have very little perspective to go on and in fact, everybody is attracted first by looks. Of course for women that goes away very quickly - usually within minutes or hours of meeting someone. For guys, we hold on to that much, much longer.

Yes, these young girls (and sometimes older women as well) get all giddy when they see someone attractive, but that's only because they don't have enough experience with men to see past that - in the beginning. Once they've started to date however that changes very quickly.

Keep in mind too that culture has a lot to do with this. Just 20 years ago, you'd never hear or see a woman go gagga over a guy like that. On the other hand, men could compliment women on their looks without being labelled a sexist!

The tables have turned 180 degrees. That's only one example of why it's become a "woman's world". The bottom line however is that young girls do this out of lack of sophistication - not real desire to be with only good-looking them in lieu of powerful, confident, but less-attractive men. We are wired by nature to seek certain attributes and you're not going to rewire millions of years of evolution in a short time. It's this very wiring that has made humans the most successful species to walk the earth!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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