Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/4/2010

Question
Can you please tell me why women give out their numbers so freely, but when u txt or call them to see whats up. You get ignored/she's not interested in being friends/or dating. Why do they do it? Also if I were to get a number at a party what would be the proper way to see if she is interested?

Answer
Hello Joseph!

First of all, let's be clear here. Girls won't give you their numbers just to get rid of you. They do it BECAUSE they are interested. If you get digits from some girl that isn't interested, it won't be her real number.

You have a problem "converting" here. I most often find that someone that can convert an initial approach to digits (or dates, or sex) but can't convert to a first date usually has difficult converting to later stages as well. Thus, keep in mind that this is probably going to be a learning process, not simply figuring out how to not get ignored.

Knowing a little about the female psyche will help here. Women continue to propagate a ton of myths amongst themselves and react to those myths as though they were real things. For instance, they believe that if they seem too interested in eager (or even interested at all in some cases) that they come off to us guys as "desperate". That's absurd of course, but women continue to tell each other it's true and thus, they react to it that way.

When a girl gives you digits, she's instantly trying to manage that fear and others such as whether you're going to call, whether she looked too easy, whether she can keep you interested, whether the drink she was holding made her ass look big ... and a ton of others!

You can assume (correctly by the way) that if you get digits at a party the girl is/was interested. You now just need to work smart to convert that into something more.

When you call the girl up, first manage your time properly to do so within a week. Three to 5 days is best, but unless you want to call her on a Sunday evening, it's best to wait until early in the week. There are reasons for all of this I won't get into here and you can learn more about that through my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II".

When you call, keep in mind that she's going to try to discount everything that happened when she was originally excited to first meet you. Thus, you need to build that back up. The good news is that you can do that quickly and easily. This is called "rapport and connection building". Also keep in mind that this call needs to be SHORT and TO THE POINT. Your goal is to reconnect and to set the first date.

If she doesn't answer the phone, DO NOT leave a message for her! If you ask her to call you back, it's an instant fail. It's not her job to call you to set up dates, it's yours. More to the point, she knows this. Thus, give her another 2-7 days and call her again. If she still doesn't pick up, wait ANOTHER 2-7 days and call one last time.

This time you leave a simple message: "Hi, this is Joseph. We met at [where/when]. I've tried to call you a few times and you don't seem to answer this phone, so here's my number. If you want to talk, call me otherwise, I won't be calling again."

Done. Now, you mentally move on to the next number you have to work with. Note: always be working multiple numbers!!!

Joseph, there are many other skills involved in all of this. For instance, knowing how to set the first date(s) and make sure she shows. How to convert at various stages: digits to dates, dates to sex, sex to relationships, etc. How to manage the DDG's ("Dumb Girl Games") and much more. If you're less than solid on these, I strongly urge you to read my books to get these skills under your belt. That knowledge will make all of this much, much easier and less frustrating.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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