Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/19/2010

Question
Hello, I need some help. This is the situation. I live in
England and there is this girl in my class, we give each
other looks all the time even from last semester when we
were in different classes. Problem is I just don't know what
to say to make the first move. I want to say something slick
that shows my interest even though I am pretty sure she
knows I am interested. Recently I have been thinking about
just sitting next to her and telling her how I'm tired of
exchanging eye contact and not saying nothing so I decided
to go sit next to her and say hello, then follow it up with
what's her name (even though I know it) and stuff like that.
Do you think that's a good idea (if not do you have
something better you can suggest) and would it be too
forward to ask if she's single during that conversation and
also her number?
I thought about sitting next to her and just telling her the
truth because girls appreciate honesty. I would really
appreciate your help as I really like this girl. Thanks in
advance and sorry for the long email.  

Answer
Hello Robert!

Ok, there are a number of mistakes here. Let's fix those first.

Don't look for something "slick" to open with. It's going to come off that way when what you want is simply to come off as natural and organic. The latter is sexy; the former, smarmy.

Guys make this mistake all the time. They go for "opening lines", "pick up lines", etc., thinking that they have to try to impress the girl or make her fall in love with them to open. Not only do you not have to do that, it makes you look like a loser! Change your attitude about this on the approach.

Second, you don't have to explain why you approached her. That takes away some of the mystery and makes it way too mechanical.

Third, DO NOT ask if she's single! She'll tell you she has a boyfriend whether she does or not! (It's a girl-thing.) You don't have to worry about it at all. Girls are always willing to "date up" and further, she's making eye contact with you. That's your key - and all you need to be concerned with.

"Girls appreciate honesty"??? Sorry, but you don't know the reality. Girls appreciate it when you make all these mistakes because then you play your hand and she knows you'll never be someone she could fall in love with. Thus, you just knock yourself right out of the game without her having to do any work. Yeah, they appreciate you doing their jobs for them, but smart guys know better.

Just do this: use "context". You already have plenty of context to approach her. You don't have to tell her why and you don't have to make her fall in love with you.

Use the fact that you're in the same class as an excuse. You can do it before class, during or after - it doesn't matter!

Just go up to her and mention something about the class, the teacher, an assignment or ANYTHING ELSE you have "in common". It doesn't even have to be important at all - you're just breaking the ice. Then, get her talking. Use "open ended questions" to do this.

For more on all of this, go to my website (http://BeingAMan.com) and read my FAQ's (under "Articles").

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
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