Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/22/2010

Question
QUESTION: Hi my Name is Andres. I feel very frustrated right now because I am in a relationship where everything used to be fine. Now is like I don't get her Attention like I want to and feel that friends are becomming more importan than me. We have a daughter together but everything got to b her way and nothing that I said make sence to her. She said that she loss her sex appetite she always stresses or tired. I think they all are excuses. How can I get her Attention and take controll of the relationship and her love back?
Thank you for ur time and help in advance.

ANSWER: Hello Andres!

I agree. They are excuses.

There are two things you need to do in order to turn this around.

First of all, she controls the relationship - not you. In effect, she's taking the masculine role here (guess what that leaves you with?)

Second, she has to feel that there's a potential of loss - which she doesn't feel right now.

Let's start with the second problem first. When she got pregnant, why oh why in the hell didn't you marry her? Here's what you have hopefully figured out by now: if you're not married to her, you have absolutely NO rights as the father. None. Nada. Zip. Nothing.

If she decides that you can't see your own kid, you just don't get to see your kid. It's that simple. Further, you can do absolutely NOTHING about it. If you'd have married her, that would be very different. You didn't, so that's where you are not - for whatever excuse you want to give me.

In other words, she loses nothing - and you lose everything. In fact, she actually GAINS if she dumps you! She can go to court and make sure you pay for your baby! She can own a large part of every dollar you make for the next 18 years - and has to do nothing for it.

What does she have to feel loss over? She's taken the exact role she needs in her life away from you - that masculine energy. Worse yet, you've just let her do it. No wonder she's losing interest in you sexually and emotionally.

Andres, I see this happen every single day. Guys simply don't know how to be men any more. They don't know they have rights in relationships and thus, don't stand up for themselves and those rights. The funny thing is however, that as soon as you DO stand up for yourself, these women change.

They start to see the guy as what they want and need. They regain their interest in him and the relationship. More important, they start to relax and feel good because they get to be feminine again.

That's your exact problem here.

MY problem however is that I don't know what you're doing or not doing in order to be able to direct you. This might be a case where you need some personal coaching time in order to explore - and fix - all of this.

I'll say this however: you have limited time to turn this around. If you want to keep her and your daughter in your life, you're going to have to get moving and get this fixed quickly.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Ok I tottaly agree and understand the problem. Now the big thing about it is how am I g oing to fix it? First She used to argue and start treading me w I am leavin or I am braking up or maybe I just going to have to be your roomate. Thats when I start kissing ass and always she end up getting wht she wants. So u said I prob need personal coaching where can I find it or can you help? I really need to get her bck they way she used to be but ever since she got pregnat is a difreent sex drive or attitude. When I want to be nice she take advantage. WHAT CAN I DO???

Answer
Hello again Andres!

This is where things get more difficult. The problem is that you obviously have no role-model to follow. You don't have an idea of what it even looks like to be the guy she needs you to be. This is why you're flying by the seat of your pants right now.

You THINK that by kissing her ass, you're giving her what she wants. That's not at all true. She'll take it because it's less difficult than trying to explain to you what she really wants and needs. This is the problem that I have as well; trying to explain this to you.

Her pregnancy likely has very little to do with her sex drive. If she were to meet a man that could give her what she really wants, that libido would come right back - and then some. Trust me.

This is why I suggested you look into some personal coaching time from my website. This is extremely difficult to explain via one or even one hundred of these messages. I still encourage you to look into that. Even my books will give you at least a picture of what I'm talking about here. You need to change not only what you're doing, but what you're thinking.

The bottom line is this: you have rights in your relationship, but it's not her job to make sure you get them. It's yours. You have to decide what you want - exactly what you want in every aspect and be clear about communicating that to her. When you don't get them you also need to be clear about telling her so and what you expect from her.

You need to be so clear on these things that you stick by them and continue to come back to them as your foundation. This then becomes the foundation of your relationship. That's exactly when she'll start changing from "I want" to "we want". She'll actually adopt YOUR goals as her own and will work with you as a team player. The problem now is that she has to be the leader here and uses her own tools to get you to do what she wants.

Trust me on this too: she's not happy about it. As soon as she finds some guy she believes WILL give her these things, she'll be all over him - and you'll be out. This is why you've got to get this figured out right away.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"