Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/3/2010

Question
Dear Dr. Dennis,

I met this girl while hanging out with a bunch of my friends.  We talked for a while and had a great night.  We all talked about hanging out later in the week and SHE voluntarily gave me her number without me asking for it.  This surprised me... She was very good looking and had a perfect personality.  I texted her a few days later about our plans for that Friday, but she didn't respond until 3 DAYS later.  She said it was "a busy week."  I was confused.  Here's this girl who gives me her number, and then doesn't respond for a few days.  Regardless, plans fell through and we didn't end up hanging out.  But i wasn't ready to give it up quite yet.  I see her in the library at school every now and then, but I'm not real confident just approaching her and asking her to do something, seeing that we've only hung out once.  What steps should i take before just asking her straight up to do something.  Maybe make conversation a few days then see what happens from there?

Answer
Hello Alex!

Don't be confused by her waiting for 3 days. It was because she saw you as a rude, insecure jackass - and she's right. You texted her and even that wasn't for a date, it was to "hang out". How pathetic! How weak!

I hope those words kicked you square in the stones Alex. You need to see this exactly how SHE sees it - and exactly how it is. Texting KILLS OFF your chances of anything with women.

She did NOT give you her digits so you could hide behind a text! She gave them to you so that you could be bold and confident and move things forward with her - and impress her by doing so! Think about this: it was very forward of her to give you her number in the first place. Do you really think she wants to continue to do all your work for you?

Especially if she has other options, she's hoping to find a guy that is strong and confident. Texts scream that you are anything but! They are far, far too easy and completely lack any risk on your part. Thus, she figured you're just another cowardly jackass (the same kind she runs into every single day) and only responded out of basic courtesy (the lowest, least invested kind!) You got exactly what you deserved!

Alex, relationships are all about emotional content. Texting is all about facts, figures and data. NEVER, EVER use texts to try to build something. Equally important NEVER, EVER offer to "hang out" with any girl you want more with. This is what friends do, not people that are dating.

All of this makes you look like a huge pussy!

Further, the ONLY step you can take is to find your balls and call her up or go talk to her and say, "Ok, let's get together this next weekend. Clear up Saturday night and I'll pick you up at 8."

Notice how there's no question in there? Notice how there's only bold confidence?

Alex, if you think you're "shy" and lack confidence, you need to get that fixed. Most of it is simply your belief about yourself. After all, do you lack confidence and act shy around your friends and family? Nope! Of course not. You only do it around girls that you want to be with.

That means you aren't "shy" - you are uneducated! If you knew what to say and what to do, you wouldn't be shy, would you? You'd act just as confidently as I or any guy that knows these things would!

Thus, you need to get this fixed right away! Get some education under your belt already! How many more years - and opportunities - are you going to waste with these dumb texting/hanging-out loser mistakes anyway???

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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