Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/1/2010

Question
Okay there was this girl (A) I met and I had the biggest crush on her, well the day i was gonna be able to talk to her i couldn't find her. I always saw her at her job but then I couldn't find her even though she still worked at the place. 9 months goes past and I still couldn't find her, and I didn't know her name. Well i did this girl (B) who liked me a favor and took her to her dance, little did I know (B) and the (A) were friends so when I saw her at the dance my heart was racing so fast I smelled like burnt rubber. Well after that night A and I talked a little and start conversating on how we thought we would never see eachother again. Doc, that is when I knew I loved her, I like had this feeling that I know we're gonna be together and I would wait for her to. She gives of this energy that I live off of. Well, we lost communication. i know she has a busy schedule but to not communicate is something else. Well I just found out that she got with this lame guy I know, I mean got with him 2 days from when this letter was written. Well I didn't understand what was wrong with me, turns out (B) was spreading rumors and lies because I liked (A) way more than I liked her. And I believe my question is what should I do? I told her I loved her so much that I wouldn't mind being friends as long as I'm with her (Note: I have and never thought I would ever say that) but I will always want her as more than a friend. Now I am a ladies man, the sweet guy, the guy women say they want to date their daughters, but I'm so stuck on this one lady. What should I do Dr.?
and if you need to know anything else just let me know

Answer
Hello Zach!

Wow Zach! Did you get some list of possible mistakes to make and are checking them all off? You didn't get her contact information, you professed your "love" for her (even though you don't even know this girl) you are worried about some loser she met, you've told her you want to be her "friend".

Man! You're just going right though the whole exercise here! Frankly, after this, I'd be shocked if she really wants to date you!

Zach, why, oh why would you do all these dumb things? Actually, don't answer that, I already know - you're not thinking with your head. Do you seriously think some girl wants a guy that only feels worthy of being her "friend"? Do you seriously think that she wants to be with some guy that is scared of someone that isn't anywhere near as good as he is? Do you think any girl wants to be with some guy that won't move forward when he wants something?

Let me tell you what I'd do: first of all, I'd have gotten her number so I could call her later and set up a date. Then, I wouldn't worry about ANYTHING other than moving this forward - not other guys, not friends, not how busy I thought she was - nothing. I'd NEVER tell her how I felt, I'd show her and only then based on what she showed me first! I wouldn't worry about any other guy in the way because I know I'm a far better catch for her - and it would simply be my job to show her why. I wouldn't settle for being her "friend" either.

Zach, if you have no other way of contacting her other than going through the female friend, then I suggest you use that, but either way, get your head out of the clouds already and start thinking your way through this. You're going to wind up forcing this poor girl into someone else's arms if you don't stop this nonsense.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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