Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/5/2010

Question
Hey Doc,

I read over some of your answers to past questions. Great stuff. My question pertains to whether or not there is a specific manner you can touch a woman that will signal to her that you have confidence? For example, when you go in for the kiss, do you grab her cheek with your hand? When she walks through the door, do you touch the small of her back? Also, is there a "best" way to hug a woman you are with or attracted to so that she feels the confidence?

Thank-you for any insight you can provide on this subject.

Answer
Hello Mike!

Thanks for the comments! Let's see if you still agree after reading my answer to your question!

Actually, the answer is "yes, there is" but you're focusing on the wrong things.

Women aren't stereos. Flipping a few switches and turning a few knobs isn't going to make her think you're confident at all - just good with stereos.

Much of this is more about timing than specific "kino-clues".

Consider this: we have a number of these kino-clues wired into us. For instance, patting someone on the back indicates support or comforting. Putting your hand on someone's forearm while you shake their hand indicates connection. Grabbing someone by the hair indicates dominance. There are many more.

This is why you believe their might be a similar clue that indicates confidence with women. In fact, there is, but it's not specifically in how you touch someone, but when you make certain gestures.

Here's one great example: I call it the "opening kiss" (patent pending) and it's a powerful tool. You can use it any time in a relationship, and the meaning changes slightly based on how long you've been dating a girl and where you are in the relationship, but let's look at using it in the very beginning when you first meet a girl for the first or second date.

It works like this: when you first see her; whether you're picking her up for your first date or meeting her somewhere, you walk right up to her or she to you, holding her eye contact (if she sees you) with strength and clarity and then before you utter a single word, you take her by the shoulders, pull her slightly off-balance toward you and kiss her softly, sensuously on the lips. You let it linger from just a little too long and then set her back up-right and go on like nothing happened.

Frankly, this just curls most women's toes and leaves them spinning, but more to your question, this is a very bold, confident move!

Interestingly, you can use this any time during your first date by the way. I usually recommend that we try a change of venue and as we're walking I'll take her hand closest to me, and drape it under my forearm. Then, during the walk, I'll stop at some point, spin her around and kiss her when I feel like it. I don't ask her permission and don't negotiate any of this - I just do it.

In one sense it shows dominance, but it also shows confidence at the same time. It's not about the touch however, it's about making things they way you want them without permission and without apology. That's what confidence really is.

If you want to know much more about these issues such as confidence, power, cockiness, humor, body language, etc., check out my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" where I go into these things in great depth.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"