Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/28/2010

Question
I am 18. There is this girl that i like. I think she is the ideal girl 4 me. We were mates in  high school but i just got admitted into the university while she is still pursuing hers. We do call each other frequently. I dont know the exact time to tell her my feelings.  What makes me scare is that she is 19,with principles and i knew of about 2 cases when she rejected guys offer. I dont even know how to tell her. Pls i will be glad if you humbly help me out

Answer
Hello Deewhy!

The exact time to tell her your feelings: when you're already a couple in a relationship - not before.

Deewhy, the reason why you want to "confess your feelings" is this: you want her to swoon and say, "Oh great! I feel the same way too!" and then you won't take any risks of being rejected by her and she'll have done all your work for you. In effect, you want to jump right passed all the messy courtship ritual stuff like getting to know her, building rapport and connection and thus, attraction, etc., and go right into the relationship.

That's simply not going to happen. Trust me.

Please don't do this. It's going to backfire.

Instead, do this: stop using the phone to try to hold your dates with her. Contact her (DO NOT TEXT HER!) and set up a proper date with her. Learn how to communicate with her by reading my FAQ's on my website (http://BeingAMan.com - click on "self help") and build the attraction.

Not only are you managing the risk of getting rejected by doing this, you're also increasing the odds of you and she becoming that couple I talked about earlier.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
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