Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/1/2010

Question
QUESTION: Hey there. Well, I don't have much experience with girls mostly because I'm VERY shy and have very low self-esteem. I really like this girl at school recently. She's really good friends with my bestfriends girlfriend. So for valentines day i gave her a rose and some nice bracelets i guess hinting that i like her. My bestfriends girlfriend said that she was holding it the rest of the day and i told that well. This girl is very very attractive and she got asked out by quite a few guys yet to my knowledge she only said yes to one guy. Also recently, her, me, and a bunch of other people hung out. She laughed at some of my jokes but towards the end she kinda just didn't pay much attention to me at all. Also when i text her, we had pretty good conversations and stuff but the past few days, she would say shes busy or she's reading a book. I am really confused now and I'm madly in love with her.I'm not exactly the most attractive guy and i feel like i have nothing to offer this girl. This is the girl I've been looking for.She's so great and i just can't help myself. Please help me, i feel so crappy now and I know if i ask her out and she says no, that I'm gonna be very depressed for a while. What's your advice? What should i do?

ANSWER: Hello Yogev!

First of all, why are you show and lacking in self-esteem? These are things that you can fix. Why do you continue to hold on to them? Laziness? Fear? Lack of knowledge? Do you somehow think you were born to be this way?

Well, let's set the record straight right here, right now: you CHOOSE to stay shy and to have low self-esteem because it works as a convenient excuse and nothing more. This way, you can claim you have a good reason for not having the successes in your life you want. The problem is that I (and frankly, the vast majority of women) see right through this. You aren't shy when you're around your buddies or family are you? Of course not. You choose to be this way selectively when it serves your needs.

Further, you choose to hide behind technology (texting) instead of being bold, directed and going after what you want.

Now, here comes a high-value target and you haven't done the work you need to do in order to have her. What do you want me to do for you? Give you some kind of magic pill or something? If you're lazy and don't want to fix these ridiculous problems, what can I possible do for you? Do you want me to date her for you and tell you how it is?

What should you do?

STOP using these dumb excuses for not having what you want in your life. You're not attractive enough. You're too shy. You have low self-esteem. Boo-freakin'-hoo! These are all beliefs you've inflicted on yourself - not reality! I can show you guys all over town that aren't as good looking as you are; that have less to offer than you do, that are successful with these girls.

Here's what's real: you lack EDUCATION. You've wasted your time without learning the skills and attitudes you need to have in order to be a high-value-target magnet. Your looks have NOTHING to do with your success with women! Your attitude has everything to do with it.

Even now, if I tell you how to ask her out and you do it, she's going to remember the guy that thinks he has a shyness/self-esteem problem - not the guy that she thinks is worthy of her. She's not "out of your league" at all - but you've put her there. You've built her up in your mind to a point that you don't think you can measure up.

Yogev, until that problem is solved, there's not much I can do for you. You need to work on fixing those self-esteem issues. If for no other reason, do this so that you can give this girl the things she deserves to have. I'd prefer it if you'd do this for yourself because YOU deserve it, but that seems a little far away. If you don't know where to start, I strongly encourage you to read my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" as these will show you specific steps to get these problems fixed. If you do them, you'll soon be no only sure you're worthy of her (which you are), but wonder whether she's worthy of you instead.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: ok so maybe you're right, those are my excuses, but it's not like i openly show it. I don't walk around school slouched over, looking at the ground, and talk like a babbling idiot everytime she walks by me. The group of people that i hang out with, happens to have her in the group recently. Now i try and talk to her in person, but A. i have no classes with her what so ever, and B. only time i would see her is outside of school, or at lunch. And i do talk to her at lunch and outside of school, but she always says she's busy, blah blah blah. ( hows that for excuses huh? Ha ha.) Texting her is when obviously i am not near her or whatever. Honestly, if i had the chance, if i sat next to her in EVERY class of mine, i'd probably be in a better situtation and not write this to you Dr. Neder. And i must say, you are a very honest and helpful man and i will plan on buying your books because i am interested. But mean-time while i try and get closer and try and relate with her, i just don't see why she would ignore my texts or disregard me. I just want that awnsered for now. I mean im pretty sure she doesnt hate me. ( atleast I hope she doesnt) But please go on with your great work and i hope that my message is atleast a little more clearer than last times? Thank you so much.

Answer
Hello again Yogev!

Huh? You don't think you "openly show it"? How can you not? If you feel these things, trust me, they come through. Even then, it still just an excuse for you to think these things.

She's "busy"? Yeah, so is every other single person in the world. What makes her so special? She has the same 168 hours a week that you do, that I do and that everyone else does. Everyone thinks they're "busy" because they use up that time. That doesn't make them busy at all. The reality is that she wastes most of that time. If this is just an excuse to keep from dealing with you, that's one thing. If she's actually running around accomplishing something, that's another. Either way, why should you care? This is about YOUR time too.

Even now, you set yourself up to fail. I just laid into you about the excuses and what do you do - give me more excuses! Sure, if you had EVERY class with her! Seriously Yogev, do you think that people NEVER meet each other unless they have EVERY class together?

I meet women almost every day that I've never even seen before by just walking up to them and saying hello. What makes you so much more special than me that you can't do this unless you have EVERY class with a girl? Come on here. Don't jerk me around and then ask for my help. Even more important, stop jerking yourself around by making these (or ANY) excuses.

What you're really asking me is for some magic bullet. You want to impress her so much that she falls in love with you and does all your work for you so that you take no risks. Well, here's that magic bullet: you walk up to this girl, don't give a shit what she thinks and TELL HER (you DO NOT ask her!) that you want to see her on Friday (or whenever) to get to know her better. You stop texting her (because it just looks entirely like more weakness - exactly why she ignores you) and you only speak to her direct or at the very worst, on the phone.

You stop putting her up on some pedestal by thinking that she's in any way above you and start seeing her as just some other chick in a long-line of chicks you're going to be with in your life. Then, if she can't see that you forget her instantly and go find another target, because here's the reality: she's nothing special until she proves (and I mean PROVES) otherwise.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"