Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 4/12/2010

Question
QUESTION: Dear Dr Neder,
      I need your help in finding out whether this girl whom I am interested in is playing hard to get or not. I have this very attractive colleague of mine at my office, where I joined two months ago. Every time I try o look at her she used to avert her gaze. Then one day, after nearly a month, while I was making a phone call inside a common cabin at our office, from where we make calls, both official and personal especially when you need some privacy, she came over and knocked on the window of the glass cubicle asking me if she can come inside. Though I signaled her from inside that I will complete my call soon, she decided step in. So there she was inside the cubicle sitting on one of the chairs and staring at me taking over the phone. As soon as I ended the call, she initiated a conversation and we chatted for a while before I told her that I have to leave.  All the while she was looking intently into my eyes, complete with some of the subconscious signals like, creasing her face rhythmically and twirling her hair. I also complimented her on her pretty eyes. From then on every day I come to office she used to acknowledge me by maintaining strong and direct eye-contact and twitching her eyebrows.  We also chatted occasionally, though only for a few minutes, inside the office.
Then one day I met her at the canteen for lunch. By the time I reached the place she had already finished her lunch. Yet she invited me to join her table. Though I suggested her that she leave since she had finished her food, she said it was ok and appeared keen on talking to me. And we  had a good conversation, during which I showed her a visualization technique through, which I revealed more about her personality and a few other mind games, during which she broke out into forceful laughter and even teased me about the geographical peculiarity and mannerisms of the place and people from where I hail. We talked for nearly 20 minutes and even  exchanged numbers. Later in the day, as she left home from office  I texted her a phone number, which she had asked. She immediately called me back. However from her quizzical voice I sensed that she had not saved or was rather pretending not to have saved my mobile number and even ended the conversation rather fast. I felt a bit strange, and I decided to ignore her completely for the next four days. On the fifth day I acknowledged her and sent her a text message referring to one of the hilarious conversations we had at the canteen. But she did not respond. Later that day she came to the section where I was sitting and started chatting up with my colleague who was sitting next to me. But I did not acknowledge her and continued with my work. Since then I have decided not to go and talk to her because the last thing I want is to get her an impression that I am a needy and desperate guy.  Even though we have stopped talking for a week now she ensures that I notice her presence inside the office by looking at the direction where I am sitting, walking along the side of the office where I am sitting and maintaing that familiar eye contact and smiling.
Dr. Neder it would be great if you can tell me whether this girl is playing hard to get or if I am imagining too much about her interest in me. Kindly advice.

Regards
Sangeeth

ANSWER: Hello Sangeeth!

Wow! It's rare that I see someone working so hard to destroy something they wanted!

Sangeeth, really, what in the hell are you thinking here? OF COURSE she was interested! No, she's not playing hard-to-get here, she's reacting to you pulling away and being a total jackass! What makes you think she wants any more of this abuse?

She approached you and did all the right things. Now that it's your job to step and move things forward, what do you do? You get scarce! What message do you think that sends? Let me tell you: "That Sangeeth is a nice guy, but he won't be there when I really need him. I wonder if I just dodged a bullet by him not talking to me anymore?"

Stop this game already - or simply lose her to someone else.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Dr. Neder,
        Thank you for that no-nonsense answer. But my problem now is, she does not respond to my mobile phone text messages. But in person she appears warm and cordial inside the office. In fact the other day when I met her at her at the table, she even gave me some copies of vintage photographs of national significance, which she initially told me that she is going to discard it and then when I showed interest in it (the photographs were relating to the country's freedom struggle), she gave it me and said that it is her 'gift to me.' She even asked me what I was going to do with it. I told her that I will preserve it. The next day I sent her a text message saying that I have given the photographs for framing. But she did not respond to my message. Nevertheless inside the office she appears friendly and co-ordial. Dear Dr. Neder, I am really confused now on whether she is really interested in me or not. It would be great if you can give me your advise. Sorry to bother you again. Thanks once again.
Regards
Sangeeth

Answer
Hello again Sangeeth!

OF COURSE she doesn't respond! You may as well have just slapped her right in the face! Further, texting is RUDE when you're trying to build something. It makes you look like a coward and a rude jackass.

You're doing all the easiest, least-effort things you can and it's causing you to fail here in a huge way. Texting and emailing will PREVENT you from having anything with this girl - just as will ignoring her.

When she ignores your (rude) text, but responds very well to you in person - even giving you a gift - what does that tell you? Answer: ONLY deal with this girl in person!

Go up to her and tell her (don't ask) that you want to have coffee with her next week. Then, don't tell her you'll call her or (gasp!) text her or even confirm. Set the date right then and there and expect her to show. Then, turn on the charm and get to know her. You can even do this as a "thank you" for the photograph if you have no other reason.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"