Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/2/2010

Question
QUESTION: I'm a 19 year old guy studying at college in UK and there is a girl who i've seen around at the college, mainly in the library. I would like to approach her but have no clue what to say & i'm afraid she might laugh at me for trying to speak to her. I have no confidence & i'm afraid the girl has noticed my attention / interest because she's caught me looking a few times..
How do i approach her & what do i say ?

ANSWER: Hello Dan!

First of all, this girl isn't going to laugh at you for talking to her. That's just your own fears getting in the way. Trust me, she's going to be far more worried about whether she has something stuck in her teeth or if her hair is a mess than the fact that you're taking to her!

I teach a large number of approach systems - all for different situations and based on particulars between the two people. However, one of the easiest to explain is called the "context approach". Let's use that here.

To begin, all you have to do is ask yourself this question: "What do she and I have in common at this very place, at this very instant in time, in this very situation?" Your answer to that question is your "context" for the approach. It's that simple. You already have tons of context available to you: you both go to the same school, you probably have a few classes (even if they aren't at the same time), etc. Any of these are great context foundations to approach her!

Keep in mind that you're not going to make the terrible mistake so many guys make: thinking that you're going to make this girl fall in love with you from the way you approach her. That simply doesn't work. That's why pick-up lines always fail and guys that try to hard fall flat on their faces.

Your goal is to just break the ice (using your context) and then to build rapport and connection using communication skills. If you're not sure how to do this, I strongly encourage you to read my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II". These are the textbooks on exactly this - along with how to build things all along the way.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I saw the girl in the library and managed to speak to her very breifly. I overherad her speaking portugese and so asked her "how are you ?" in portogese. Because i was nervous, i only managed to ask where she's from and what subjects she's taking. BUT i even forget to ask her name !! What can i do next time i see her ?

Answer
Hello again Dan!

"Hey! You know, I didn't get your name last time we talked."

Go read my FAQ's on my website: http://BeingAMan.com and click on self help. You'll find some information on communication skills.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"