Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 4/20/2010

Question
Hello dear sir
I hope that u will be well and good.
I want to ask some questions which are very important for me, please give answers of them.
I want to make good friends but why these things occur with me and I also like a girl and want to make friendship with her.
When I meet my class fellows and want to make friendship why I feel that
I have a low confidence and I fall in fear that he will know my low confidence. I feel shy and cannot see into her/ his eyes.
1. Is this is a phobia
2. Is this is my habit.
3. Is this problem is genetic.
4. Can psychological are genetic and we can remove them by practice.
5. Can we solve psychological problems by some practice?
6. How can I improve my self confidence and remove internal fears.
Thanks a lot.

Answer
Hello Wagas!

1. No, this is not a phobia. A phobia is an intense and persistent fear that affects multiple areas of your life and prevents you from being mentally or emotionally healthy. That is not what this is.

2. Yes, it's a habit - one that you've obviously been practicing for much of your life.

3. Genetic? No. It's actually a choice you've made - and continue to make.

4. Yes, psychological problems can be genetic, but as I've already stated, this isn't genetic and is very likely not a psychological problem.

5. Sometimes psychological problems can be "self-solved" sometimes by working on the root cause of the problem, sometimes by changing your diet and exercise, sometimes by practicing not having them, but as I've already stated, this almost assuredly is not a psychological problem.

6. Education and a change in habit.

To the last point; think about this: if you knew exactly what to say to people you meet to engage them (not try to entertain them), if you knew how to build rapport with them, do you still think you'd have all this anxiety? Of course not.

Go to my website (http://BeingAMan.com) and click on "self help". From there, read my FAQ's and in particular, read the section on communication skills.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
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Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
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