Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 4/5/2010

Question
hello i live in South Africa and my name is is Nicholas and i have known this girl for 2 months (her name is Samantha), who is soft and gentle and kind and i love everything about her and she knows it, her sister and all of our friends know it too...

one day Sam gets bombarded with "Nick is such a good guy""you should really date him""he is going to ask you out soon""you MUST say yes" and she got scared and confused. So the night comes for me to ask her out and because she has been pressured by everyone she got scared and said no...

i left it as i thought she wasn't ready and asked her if she had the same feelings for me as i did for her...she said "yes". So eventually knowing she liked me alot and knowing that she needed some time to sort things out in her head, people again bombarded and commanded her to say hes and i asked her out again and she said we can never be together and that broke my heart cause I'm secretly in love with her and now i don't know what i should do

it has been about 2 weeks now since she said we can never be together and i have seen her and spoken to her plenty during those two weeks and i don't know what to do next...........do i leave it and move on cause its not worth my heart being broken again or do i make a stand and fight for her i just don't know how to make my next move please help me

P.S if u could i would appreciate an e-mail is not thats fine

Answer
Hello Nicholas!

Your email address is hidden on this system and thus, I can't email this to you. You can write to me directly however at my email address: dwneder@BeingAMan.com.

First of all, you need to learn how to set a date properly. When you "ask her", she has the option of saying "yes" or "no". Why give her that choice in the first place? Instead say something like, "Ok, we're going out on Friday [or whenever] and I'll pick you up at 7..."

If you absolutely HAVE to ask her something say, "Ok, we're going out next week. Which day is better, Wednesday or Thursday?" Now, her choice isn't whether to go out or not, it's WHEN to go out.

If she gives you any more of this "can't be together" garbage just say, "Don't be silly. Now, which day is better?"

You want to treat these as non-issues. Don't make a big deal over them. If she holds out simply say, "Look - are you really willing to throw away something that could be huge? Do you really want to risk losing this opportunity to get to know someone that might be perfect for you?" If she still holds out, move on. She has some other problem that you don't want to have to deal with anyway.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"