Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/30/2010

Question
QUESTION: Hello, I just have a couple of general questions about girls. The first question I guess deals with the well known ‘playing hard to get’ act. I mean, I know when girls act hard to get they pretend they don’t like you sometimes and yet show signs of attraction other times. And I notice that they would usually show signs of attraction when you are not directly confronting them by giving signs or something. However, when you do directly confront them by talking or something, they would usually pretend to not have any interest in you. Well, I guess my question isn’t what ‘is’ playing hard to get, but rather what someone on the receiving end of playing hard to get should do. And I guess I would also like to know why people, girls specifically, play hard to get?

ANSWER: Hello Tom!

Let's deal with the last question first: the reason why girls do this is because they are uneducated and unsophisticated.

Think about this: that whole "hard to get" routine is not only a lie, but frankly, rude and insulting. Things like not returning phone calls or cancelling dates at the last minute or asking you to call to confirm dates, or any of the 1001 other little games involved are all just rudeness.

Here's the worse part of this: if you actually play along with these games, you lose value in the girl's eyes! How dumb is that? These same girls actually being to wonder why you'd put up with all this rude crap if you were actually worth dating. Thus, by doing any of it, you're going to lose - every time.

Second, consider that these "tool" is actually an antique! It's what your grandmothers and mother used to get their men and it comes from a time when gender roles were much better defined than they are today. That's why it simply doesn't work!

There are actually idiots right here on this very board that TELL when to do these dumb things!

Here's what you have to do: raise your standards. Stop dealing with the idiot girls that actually think any of this is ok. Don't play the games and don't feel bad telling these girls that you won't. When you encounter this rudeness, see it and treat it that way. Don't be brought into it and what you'll find is that you get to deal with some girls that are really incredible - because they have real skills.

As to specific techniques to deal with and counter all of this, I strongly encourage you to read my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" as they go into all of this in great depth.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for answering my question in a quick manner. However, I still have some more questions about my topic. According to some articles I read, on the reason people play hard to get, people do it in order to seem mysterious and as a result more interesting to the ones they are trying to attract. It goes on to say things like how if someone did not provide a sense of mystery to them, then they would not seem interesting to the people they are trying to attract. I have also read other articles that support your point of view too. These articles also say that the act of playing hard to get is pointless, however, if I may, could you explain to me what do you think about the other side of this view? The side that supports the act and says that it adds interest to relations. Thanks!

Answer
Hello Tom!

The "other side" is bullshit. Here's why:

1) What's the difference between some girl that plays these games and a girl that is simply not interested in you? Answer: nothing - they seem to be exactly the same. Why would you waste your time on someone that isn't interested when there are so many great girls out there that are?

2) Playing these "dumb girl games" ("DGG's") makes you play your hand and keeps the girl from doing the same. Thus, you have absolutely no idea where she's coming from.

3) In reality, girls that do this are never of they value they want you to think they are. In fact, the vast majority of men that ever do get with these girls realize they weren't worth all the effort in the first place! Consider this: a girl can either put all her effort into becoming a great parter for the guy she wants to meet or she can put almost no effort in and play these stupid games. Which girl would you rather be with?

4) Game-players should just carry two signs around their necks:

a) "I don't know what I'm doing. Feel free to come play me, use me and dump me."
b) "I'm all-game and nothing more. Please don't expect too much from me because if I had any real skills or real value, I wouldn't need these games in the first place!"

5) Ultimately, this is about power - who has it and who reacts to it. Power is the #1 most important thing that women find attractive in men. Powerful men don't play these games with girls. They decide what they want up front and find women that will give it to them. Seriously: do you think that Brad Pitt or Sean Connery or anyone that already has the power would play these DGG's?

6) These games were originally forged during a time when dating was very different - as I said, during the time of your grandparents. Gender roles were very different for instance - and so were expectations. Girls today have a real sense of entitlement. They actually think that they deserve men that are in the top 5% of every category when they, themselves aren't even in the top 50%! They want to "date up". Men that are willing to play these games, prove that they aren't in the top 5%. Thus, they lose value and in the vast majority of the cases - the girl too.

7) Frankly, all of this is pretty humiliating! Why would any self-respecting man accept being put through all of this in the first place? Answer: he wouldn't. Only men that lack self respect do this. Further, by actually playing the game, you further erode your own self-image because you always wind up feeling like an idiot for getting played!

8) What most of the dumb girls don't understand about this is that there are actually guys that WILL play these games with them - willingly! The problem is that these guys aren't into the girls at all. They are into the games. Thus, as soon as they "win", they bang the girl and then dump her looking for someone else to play them with. These girls get very jaded very quickly and actually begin blaming the guys instead of the game!

9) There are so many BETTER ways to deal with women! This is a loss-leader from the very beginning and just goes down from there.

10) As I said before, this all comes from a time when things were very different. The so-called "experts" in those articles don't know at all what they're doing or recommending. They heard it from someone else and simply vomited it back up as their own. Thus, they don't even know why this stuff doesn't work in the first place and just go around doing damage to those people that actually buy into this ridiculous crap - all without having any real tools to teach.

11) Most guys today don't know these games, don't know how to play them and don't know why doing so is such an end-game. Again, power and value loss.

12) When a girl starts on this path, how does she ever get off of it? If she just "comes clean" she seems like she was lying about things all along - and then becomes a girl you can't trust anyway. If she never lets on, you'll lose interest pretty damn quickly. Why would you continue to take this sort of rude beating over and over again when there so many smarter - and frankly, much, much better - girls out there? Answer: you won't.

Tom, do I need to go on?

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"