Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/1/2010

Question
QUESTION: ok where do i start...

me and me ex have been best friends our whole lives. we were nextdoor neighbours as kids. we started our relation ship at the age of 18 we were together for 4 years. we grew bored and decided to break up. i slept around for a couple of months but realized i wanted to get back with her she was open to the idea and we decided to take it slow and see what happens. i dont really know when it happened but she started seeing another guy and lost interest in me. i tried everything to get her back all things that have probably scared her off even more. i decided to cut contack with her 4 weeks ago. she has called a few times and i just tell her im busy, she msgs me and i just give her short replys. she asked me out to dinner but i told her i was busy, so she asked for a week later and i agreed. she is still seeing this other bloke and spends alot of time with him but she insists to me they arent together. also she left a depressing poston her myspace profile saying how nothing lasts forever and why even bother. I dont know what her intentions are on this dinner, but i do really want her back. how do i act on and what do i say at dinner?

ANSWER: Hello Jake!

Easy: you act like the world is your oyster. You are fun and flirty and upbeat. You bust her and treat her like your bratty kid-sister.

Here's why: if she's miserable (as she probably is) and she sees that you're not, don't you think that's going to draw her back to you?

On the flip side what if you're down and miserable too? Don't you think that's going to push her away?

Don't worry about the other guy. He's a non-issue. If that weren't true, she'd be having dinner with him - not you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thanks alot for the advice mate, dinner went well but i still dont know exactly where to go from here.  we had alot of laughs at dinner and we were pretty flirty but i dint want to take it too far and scare her of, it was just mainly alot of joking around. in conversation she said a few thing to lead me to beleive her and this other guy are just friends i dont know if it was intentional. she also asked me about a girl who i have been spending some time with. i purposely got her curiose about her but the truth is we are just friends at the moment but there is definate tension between us. talia aked if she was my gf i said we're just friends and left it. i thought these were good signs but at the pub afterwards she began to openly talk to me about a guy she has the hots for. i acted as if it didnt bother and went on with the conversation breifly.

we had talked about travelling over seas together before we broke up nothin seriouse tho. we both still have plans to go overseas but she is determined to leave in the next few months. i really want to go with her but i havent got alot of time to fix things between us i figure about 2 or 3 months. also it her birthday in a week what do i do for that.

Answer
Hello again Jake!

What about not taking it far enough and boring her away?

Is this really what you want - her friendship? Well, if so, get ready to start hearing story after story of how she saw this guy or that guy and how cute he is and how they hooked up and then he dumped her and broke her heart only for her to find another guy and ...

...all while you sit there stewing in your own juices being too afraid to just go for what you want.

Here's the real problem Jake: you.

You're waiting for HER to do all the heavy lifting. You're waiting for HER to tell you what she feels and what she wants so you can jump through whatever hoop. That way you don't take any risks at all and she has to.

Guess what? She starting to see you're just a coward! Do you really think that makes her panties moist?

So what do you want for her birthday? Do you want to put on some elaborate party or buy her some expensive gift only to hear that she's going to spend it with some guy that isn't afraid to go for what he wanted?

If you really want to fix things, you don't do it by buying her dinner, telling a few jokes and acting like her best girlfriend.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"