Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/2/2010

Question
QUESTION: I met some girl and we seemed to hit it off really well. I've been less shy recently and I figured a had a lot to offer women. I'm doing Brazilian jiu jitsu, I see something I want and I don't complain about it. I try my best to accomplish my goals. I am very talented as a musician and able to play many different instruments and very well. I consider myself a nice guy but I won't let anybody step on me. I am very good at storytelling and I every so often I go and feed the homeless just because it makes me feel good to do that. I'm going to school and I make decent bank.

This has happened a few times before but the girls I've tried asking to go out to some jazz club or check out some bands or go to NY or do something just so I can get to know them end up ditching me and going for the guy who is married, has no job, no ambition, gives up if something is way too easy, and/or is selfish. The perfect example is this: I met some girl who works in starbucks. I at one point invited her to sit next to me during her break. She says "okay," and then goes to her car on her break and sits there alone. I noticed that and said to myself, "ok, fine, she's not interested in some conversation. no problem." I left it at that. I am now just a regular customer who says "hi," to her and nothing more. One day she tells me, "Hey, this guy that was fixing my car after it broke, we sort of slept together and now the f**ker tells me he has Hepatitis B." I respond with, "Wow, that's terrible. I'm sorry to hear that." So she went for that guy over me and I'm thinking... Am I missing something?

That's just one example. Tonight was another bad night where I was ditched. I'm thinking, "I'm a good catch. I am talented and intellegent. Yet, why go for those guys who are obviously bad news?" that is what I am curious about. I wanted to ask this to a few people here so I can get various opinions. Thank you.

ANSWER: Hello Guy!

This is all about creating value - something you're not doing. You THINK you're creating value but you're not. Worse yet, you don't know how to communicate that value so that your "target market" understands it. In effect, you're living in a vacuum and you think that everyone else should just reach in so that they'll "get it". No Guy, they won't.

What you've done is to create what YOU think is value. Well, if you're looking to date someone named "Guy" that does exactly what you do, you're doing great. The problem is that your target market wants something else - and up until now, you've refused to give it to them. So, they instantly get bored with you and go find someone else that understands this point to hang with and get diseases from.

You've got to stop looking at things from your own point of view and get into the heads of the women you want to get to know. You need to be able to see and understand things from their points of view - not yours. You think that by impressing girls with your accomplishments you add value. No, you don't. In fact, you lose it. That's because value isn't about what you can do, it's about power, pure and simple.

Think about this one example: do you think that you waiting around for some girl in a coffee house to get her break shows you as "powerful"? Do you think asking her to sit next to you is "powerful"? Do you think accepting being treated with that disrespect of ditching you and not saying anything about it other than, "Oh well!" makes you exude power? Nope - not at all. It just shows you have nothing else going on and that you're willing to hang around hoping to get some fruit that falls from the tree - and you're even good with going hungry if you don't. No girl wants to be looked on like that and no girl wants anyone else to think that's the best she can get.

Instead of having asked this girl to sit with you on her break, what if you had taken the bold move to say, "Hey, write your number down and I'll call you sometime next week"? You fear that she'd say no, but your fears would be wrong - unless you'd spent the last two months proving to her that she'd have to ditch you if she went out with you.

This is one of many reasons why you want to move things forward quickly. You can't spend months or even weeks getting your courage up in order to approach and close someone you're interested in. She has eyes and knows damn well that you're doing this.

Likewise, you blame the girl for ditching you. What about the guy that just takes her right out from under your nose? You act like you have no rights whatsoever. You're trying to be the "nice guy" and having guys like me treat you like shit. Is that really the kind of life you want to lead?

Beyond not having the skills you need in order to know what and when to do things, you don't even know why you should. That's a lot of education, but it's an education you need to get working on! You need to clear this up right now. It's crazy for you to be living like this and to have these problems when they are so easily solved, but you need an entirely new mindset.

Guy, I strongly urge you to read my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" and start getting some perspective along with the specific skills you need to get this fixed! I can't explain to you all the mindset changes you need to make here, but then, I don't have to. They're all written out in those books. Do yourself a favor and stop living like this! There's no reason for it other than your own misunderstandings about women and the men they want.

All you need to do is to be that man.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Let me get this straight. You ridiculed me and you didn't respond my question. You then end up asking me to buy your book by trying to TELL me to buy your book?

Maybe a rapist would be the kind of guy you believe to be a lady's man or maybe I should start giving people hepatitis B to some people. Then you will be my proponent.

Answer
Hello again Guy!

Yeah - that's right. What did you want me to do; slobber all over you? Ok:

Oh Guy! You're really the man! Wow! How in the hell can't these girls see that? Brazilian jiu jitsu? Oh man! They must be total idiots and losers to not see what an incredible piece of man-meat you are! Wow, the problem is with the whole world not you! Hang in there big guy! Don't change or grow even one bit because the problem is with the world. Someone will finally figure it out and will probably give you some award when they do! Then, you'll have women just falling all over themselves to be with you and you won't have to change a bit!

There. Does that help? Do you feel better now?

Your very attitude here explains exactly why you're in this shit - and you don't even see it. You don't WANT to see it.

There's no possible way for me to rewrite hundreds and hundreds of pages right here just for you. Your problem is systemic. It's entirely about that 6 inches of bone between your ears. You're not going to get this fixed with platitudes. If you think that'll do it, write to Dr. Phil. If you want to fix this problem (rather than just whine about it) go read the books and get some education and perspective behind you. Or don't - I don't care. I'm not going to get rich because you buy a couple of books - we sell a lot of them - and THOSE readers get their problems solved.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"