Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/1/2010

Question
QUESTION: Hi doc,
      
      well i just wld like to give you abit of background info before i ask my question.. I have been in love with this girl for over a year. Initially we met in school and got very close. And we almost got together. But i made the mistake of not asking her to be my girlfriend. And her ex boyfriend came and they got back together. But they broke up within a month though and i started talking to her quite alot again. Then she wanted to quit school to pursue her life in another school. And of course she did consult me whether she should do it and i encouraged her to. But i thought i should let her know that i still liked her and i did. And all she said was that she couldnt make any promises at that time. But i thought we still had hope and continued to chase her but about one month after that she started to ignore me. And when i questioned her she really hurt me badly and said that we wont have any hope together. So i stopped talking to her. But a few months later , just before she started her school i dropped her a message wishing her all the best. She replied saying she was surprised and didnt expect a msg from me. She thanked me and wished me all the best too. Then one fine day she called casually and i was really happy. Then she asked if i was interested to help her in her business. And before i could answer her she said nevermind lets meet up. And yea i did meet up with her. Then she brought me to meet her manager and it became kind of an appointment to convince me to join the business. I didnt think much and i said yes because i wanted to spend more time with her and maybe make things work out. And we did talk and spent alot of time together. But it was more like we met more like because we had to for the business. But we also did alot of catching up in our meetings as well. Now my question is, will me helping her out win her heart by any chance? Or is there anything else i should do? And why did she call me for help when she could have asked so many other people, and especially after the rough patch we had. She makes it seem like nothing bad had happened between us. Why is that so? Is she by any chance interested in me? Please help me out in winning this girl i really love. Thanks!

Jackson

ANSWER: Hello Jackson!

No. You helping her will only be about you giving to her - and her taking from you. Let me guess: this is a multi-level marketing business, isn't it?

She's already told you she's not interested. She knows damn well what you want and is using you and your interests for her own benefit. As long as she can keep you thinking that there's a glimmer of hope, she owns you. She can get you to do just about anything she wants because you're terrified of losing her. Need and fear are the two least-attractive qualities there are in men. All she has to do is throw you a bone here and there by giving you attention - and letting you entertain her when she's bored and you start wagging your tail like a lost, horny puppy.

Seriously Jackson, when in life does something like this ever work out? Why do guys continue to think that if they just hang in there long enough and want something badly enough that some girl will completely change her mind and fall in love? That doesn't work. Furthermore, she views you as someone that is easily manipulated. That decreases your value in her eyes - it doesn't make you more attractive to her.

This about this: You've actually denied her the exact things she'd need to feel love for you! Do you really think she'd be willing to give you what you want when you don't give her what she needs emotionally? Further, you've proved that you don't know what those needs are and can't be the guy she wants. How in the hell are you ever going to convince her that you've miraculously changed???

This path never, ever works Jackson. Time to move on and find some other girl. Then, don't make any of these same mistakes with her.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi once gain doc. In this case what was i supposed to have given her emotionally?

Jackson

Answer
Hello again Jackson!

Everything! Confidence, security, safety, rapport and connection, direction, passion and especially, a sense she could actually love you some time down the road.

Instead, you gave her the very tools to use against you while rolling over and asking for a beating.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"