Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/1/2010

Question
Hey Dennis my name is juan i'm 22 yrs old i need more clarity in  What To Do When A Woman Tells You That Your Too Old Or Too Young for her. I'm goimg through something similar to this and now i'm stuck in a situation Here's my story, I used to work with in this health care facility and at the time i was trying to get some girl that i liked a lot but she had a boyfriend i tried hard as i can and still ended empty handed. Now, during that time there was another girl that used to like me but in this case she was older and she knew we both liked it each other, but she was married and never made an attempt to ask her out. Until over time, people were telling me to go for her and i dint feel like it was the right thing to do. So it got to the point that one of my buddies try to hook me up with her(without me knowing) and telling her " give him a chance" and her reply was " i would but i'm married". So time flies and one day she catches me starring at her (while i'm staring at her she blushes) also i want to metioned that she's single at this time too. The following day i'm working and she calls me and ask me how old i am, i tell her my age she says "you're still a baby" So this is the part that has me confused. How did she go from saying one thing to another? Another thing i want  to mention is that i quit this job and have 9 months since i left. So i decided to go back and meet everyone over there including her.
When i see her after all this time i notice something diffrent about her. I noticed she doesn't have that feelings for me like she used to and the surprising part is that she now lives at the same town that i live in. So my 2 question to you is what have i done wrong? Can i make things better? If yes, what should i do?

Answer
Hello Juan!

What you did wrong was not going for something when you had the chance. Can you make it better? Sure, you can try to go for it now knowing that you have a lot more work to do than if you'd just have done things in the beginning. As to what to do, call this woman up and tell her you want to have a drink with her this weekend.

Frankly, I wish you hadn't gone to visit the company yet. That would have been the perfect reasoning to reconnect with her, but alas...

I don't have the time to go into all the aspects of handling objections and if you really want to know how to do this (which you should by the way), consult my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II". They go into this in great depth.

There are many great ways to handle any objection being it age, income, being married, having a boyfriend, etc., etc. All of these are very simple - but you have to handle them when you have the chance. If you don't, they become more and more concrete with time.

Here's a story:

Ronald Regan was the oldest president that entered office. A great deal was made about his age - and his much younger opponent, Walter Mondale, during his race. This became a huge question early on in the election.

During one of their debates, the reporter asked Regan if age was going to play a factor in the election. He said, "Awww...I don't think so. I don't plan to make any issue of my opponents youth and inexperience."

In that one sentence, he completely changed the focus of the race and in fact, it never came up again!

You need to learn how to handle objections because it'll always be a cornerstone of your dating and relationship experience.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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