Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/14/2010

Question
Hello,

I am 22 years old have about a year left of college and hope to go to law school. There is a young woman who has sparked my interest. This young woman and I had worked together roughly two years ago. During this time at subway we spoke sparingly; always busy with this activity or that. I was interested in her then; but like all dummies; I failed to act upon my desires. That was two years ago; she has moved on; and gotten a new job. I stayed at the same place.

Recently; after a very long absence she returned a few times to my place of business. On the third time I was managing the register and she said this "Ben, you love me". To which I responded "Yes, Yes I have". Her friend, who was with her stated "And he always will". She looked at me then with this absolutely radiant glance which seemed to light up the entire room. I would have talked to her then, but was assigned to other duties. Like any good man, I put my duty to my organization before the instant gratification of speaking to her then. Besides, while her friend had unsuccessfully attempted to disqualify me; I had what I needed; She was flirting with me; and had given my more then two indicators of interest.

During this interim where I have yet to see her again; I have learned alot about her from fellow employees and discovered that we, in fact, have several commonalities.

Which leads to my question: How should I best approach her? Should I attempt to recruit girls? Me being seen with them by her incurring feelings of jealousy? Appear in my suit after I help my uncle with a trial? Then go for the kill?

Or should I just do it?

What would give me the greatest chance of success?

Answer
Hello Brad!

Holy crap! Seriously? You've know this girl for 2 YEARS, played your hand and then threw it on the floor and only NOW you're coming to me asking for help????

Let's be absolutely clear about things here. First of all, you're a coward. I don't say that to insult you, I say that to put things into perspective. Using your job as an excuse as to why you haven't pulled the trigger with this girl is simply delusional. The real reason you haven't done anything is because you're afraid of rejection.

Also, you've obviously read a handful of things on the internet about how to approach women, gotten a few catch phrases and absolutely NOTHING of value. All the IOI's in the world aren't going to fix the problems you have. In effect, you've also completely ignored your education! Thus, you're also ignorant about women.

This is likely due to yet another problem you have to overcome: you're lazy. Instead of getting some real education under your belt; instead of really learning what you needed to do and then boldly moved forward by doing it, you've sat around hoping eventually she'd do all your work for you so that you wouldn't have to take any risks. Well, she even tried that and her friend (the game buster) slapped you in the face. What did you do? You took it - and not like a man either.

Brad, I'm not trying to kick you when you're down, but you need to open your eyes and see exactly what's going on here. You have real problems you need to fix because you're just making things worse. You think that by doing nothing you're just holding her off until the time is right. No, that's not how women work. The time is rarely right! You have to move when you have the chance or lose that chance.

Now that you have all the problems and new uphill battles, you want me to fix them for you. Yet another problem then comes about. You don't have the skills to take things beyond this first "fix"! What are you going to do then?

When she starts throwing challenges at you (and trust me, she will - she HAS to because you've made so many mistakes so far that she's never going to believe that you'd actually be there when she really needs you) you're going to have to tell her on the phone, "Hey, wait just a minute. I've got to consult the doc to see how I should handle this. Let me get back to you..."

No Brad, that isn't going to work. You've spent your life NOT learning what you need to know and now the "woman of your dreams" comes along and you think you can have it all in one spoonful?

What really can I do for you here? I can't take the next 2 years and rewrite all my books and articles right here just for you. I can answer this question, but frankly, I'm not doing you any service by just getting you in deeper. I can be a jackass but I'm not cruel, and that's what I'd have to do to do this to you.

As to your question, "What would give you the greatest chance of success?" it'd be not having made all these mistakes in the first place, and then having done things right. Unfortunately, these didn't happen. You have a lot of work to fix all of this now.

What you need to do is to have the courage to just go get what you want without all the silly games and worrying about busts and negs and IOI's and C+F's and all the trickery you've read on the internet. You need to have real skills that shows this girl you're someone of value that she needs to get with because she'd hurt if she wasn't with you. You need to have a clear direction and a clear plan and the skills to pull it off. You need to understand what really motivates women and why they do the things they do.

You need to learn how to build rapport and connection (which you can do very quickly) and how to read when that gets to the right point in order to close for what you want. Then, you need to know how to close. Next, you need to know how to move things beyond simply getting digits or even one or two dates.

For many so-called "experts" this is "success" for their students. To mine, that's failure! Not getting EVERYTHING you want isn't worthy of your time.

So, please tell me what it is that I can do for you? Do you even have this girl's number? Do you even have a way of getting hold of her? Do you know anything about her at all?

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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