Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 7/16/2010

Question
Hey, im in a bit of a pickle. I've thought about how to approach my problem but i just cant decide on what would be the proper course of action. Here is the situation:

I have been friends with this girl for a long time, about 10 years, but we aren't best friends. We go for about 6 or 7 months without talking or txting and other than last week i havent seen her in about the same amount of time, 6 or 7 months on average. Her parents love me and i sometimes do things with them around the house. I guess i've always harboured feelings for her, but when i saw her last they just came to the fore again and i finaly decided i would try my best to get her. problem is we've been friends for so long i dont know how to make her mine.

I figured i had 3 choices. a)do nothing b)come outright and tell her c) attempt a subtle and transitionary plan of spending more time with her and try to get closer connection

They all have their drawbacks and pitfalls, some more obvious than others. But what should i do? is there a better way that i cant see right now? Please Can you help me?

Answer
Hello James!

First of all, you do have other options. For instance, you can simply walk away and forget her entirely.

James, you're going to have to make a decision here. What do you want? Right now you have a friendship. If you don't want to harm that then you're simply going to have to bury your real feelings for her and go find someone else. Anything you do is going to destroy the friendship. You need to realize and accept that fact.

If you're interested in this girl for more and are good with ending the friendship, then you need to realize something else: you have almost no chance of getting what you want. I put it at around 5% - with a 95% chance of failure. I'm sorry to bring you that fact, but trust me, it's reality.

If you want to know more about how to convert this friendship into a relationship, go check out my website (http://BeingAMan.com) and click on Articles. From there read my FAQ's.

The bottom line is this: make a final decision and stick by it. Come to grips with the outcome so you can move your life forward. 10 years is a very long time to waste with all of this.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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